For me.
There. Are. No. Words.
But here's what you accomplished tonight .....
"the wait" did not come with me tonight to see Beth Moore and hear her Bible study.
He did get in my car and drove with me to the parking lot to meet up with my friends. But he did not get in the car we all drove together in. And that was because of you.
And that was huge.
I think he's out in the back yard at the moment, where I hope he stays so he'll freeze his butt off tonight as our temperatures drop into the low 30's.
Not that I'm being vindictive (OK, yes I am), but he beat the crap out of me today. Totally. Up one side and down the other.
I couldn't work. I couldn't eat (or if I tried I couldn't keep it where it should be). I couldn't function much at all. I did manage to pay some bills, but he stood over me to point out the ones that needed extra work from me (like the boat license, the tax stuff, every account that still bears Jim's name ..... which is all of them, really).
He constantly reminded me that Jim is not here for me, that I'm failing to be the best that I can be at everything (anything?) I do, that the hospital was not calling today ..... and that he was here to stay for at least another day.
He tried to keep me from going to the Bible study tonight .... reminding me of what a wreck I was and how I'd probably just bring everyone down. And he kept whispering, "Why is God allowing me to stay? Why haven't you received the results yet? Because. He. Does. Not. Care. For. You."
But you were praying. And so I went. In spite of the warfare going on in and around me.
And maybe .... because of.
And I had a good night. I needed to be there. I needed to be with those women. I needed to be able to eat a little and keep it down. I needed to stop and allow God to speak to me and to spend time with Him among those thousands of women.
So ...... thank you.
And I thank you even more ..... for not stopping.
And now for something completely different .......
tomorrow is "Ask Me Wednesday", so start asking.
Keep my mind busy.
Keep my mind on things other than "the wait".
Keep on keeping me on.
:)
4 comments:
I'm so glad you feel better. Beth is amazing isn't she? I would LOVE to hear more on your blog about the messages she gives and what touched you most about it? I so wish I could go!!! She is so inspiring and I learn so much. And can I just say, you are an awesome writer, an awesome mom, incredibly funny, extremely compassionate, smart, kind, and even if you weren't all those things - you do not need to "be" anything than ... human. :) it's been a rough year (ok that was deliberately an understatement) :) And by the way, He LOVES you!!! :)
Okay...questions for you.
When you were little, what were your favorite games to play with D & M? Did you have a "hideout" where you and your friends would play? What did you want to be when you grew up? What is your favorite color...and why?
And finally, how much does Gabby weight now?
I'm glad that you went tonight and had a good time. I've been thinking about you ALL day and praying for you. I love you so much, J.
Lis
Good morning my darling daughter. Have I told you lately how very proud of you I am? Or just how much I love you? Well, I am, and I do.
Okay,I have a few burning questions for Ask Me Wednesday:
1. Why do they report power outages on TV?
2. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
3. What is another word for “thesaurus”?
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
and Ty would like to know when he can move his things up there- he says he will make the sacrifice and do his best to keep the noise level at a maximum, it won't be easy, but I think if anyone can do it....he can ;-)
I love you, K.
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