Tragedy and Comedy ......

...... all within a few hours.

     I thought of this title, which made me think of the masks,  and then remembered that I had these pictures.  I wish they were bigger but since I stole them off of Daughter #3's Facebook site, I guess I can't complain.  Anyway, the point was the masks ..... the girls are a bonus.

    It's interesting that, in spite of my most Herculean effort, a day can go south quite quickly.

     It started off well.  I had a long quiet time with God, which is always good (when I take the time to do it).

Then I started to get ready to go into work for just a bit and for a meeting.

As I grabbed my purse on my way out the door I heard my phone make the sound it makes when I get a voice mail.  Evidently I had missed a call.  

So I dug my phone out of my bottomless purse .... a feat in, and of, itself ..... and listened to the message (I didn't recognize the number).

It was from our accountant.  He told me that the income tax forms for "the estate" would be finished today so could I drive into Houston (one of my all-time favorite activities .... not) and sign everything?  This afternoon?  Cuz ..... um ...... they're due tomorrow.

And there went the day.  Well, it really just started heading south at that point.

    Let me explain before it sounds like I'm just whining.  

It wasn't the drive, though that did add to it.  I hate the traffic and I really hate how much my hip hurts in a car ..... the movement and the way that seatbelt goes right on top of my incision ... yes indeed.  But it wasn't that.

It wasn't that it was a bunch of tax forms (because really, those words just make my brain shut off ..... or sound a whole lot like Charlie Brown's teacher ..... "wah, wah, wah .....").

It was ..... it just was.

The last time I was in that office was about a year ago.  Back when everything was, and remains, a bit blurry.  Back when I sat in several offices and cried in front of complete strangers who wore suits and ties .... attorneys, accountants, bankers, etc.  Lots and lots and lots of meetings. And lots and lots and lots of tears.

A time I do not like to look back on.

     So hearing his voice and realizing that I would have to go back there .... in a matter of hours, alone (due to the short notice) made my heart hurt.

     I did go into work for a couple of hours ..... which is almost always good for me.  I was able to stay distracted for a while.

And then I came home and puttered around the house for a bit ..... trying to ignore the huge lump in my throat, behind my eyes, and in my heart.

     I left the house at 2:30 for the 3:30 meeting (this is, afterall, Houston).  The weather was gorgeous ..... which made it a bit harder.  My hip always starts hurting worse as the day goes on so the drive hurt ..... my hip and my heart.  I teared up on and off during the drive.  I really, really didn't want to walk into that office.

But .... in spite of my best efforts .... I managed to get there ..... and I managed to get there about 10 minutes early!

     I took a deep breath, got out of the car and walked into the building and into the office.  And thus began "the biting of the lip".

I really, really hate crying in front of people .... especially people I don't know.  Especially people who I don't know but yet who know me well enough to feel badly for me.  And feel badly for the reason that I'm doing business with them.

  

     Our accountant and his assistant came to greet me (early .... yay for them) and took me on the long walk to the back of their office into a "meeting room".  

I have also grown to hate those rooms.  You know the ones ...... there's a very, very long table and lots and lots of chairs.  

In my experience, nothing good has come of sitting in one of those rooms.

     There, on the table, were 5 white notebooks.

They were pretty innocuous notebooks, except for the fact that they were rather large.

Each one was tagged with those little stickers that point out where one should sign one's signature (wish I'd thought of that invention!).

    The accountant said that there were two ways to handle all of this:  #1.  I could just sign everything and leave, or #2.  They could explain everything that I was signing and then I could sign them and leave.

My first instinct was to pick number 1 because the tears were threatening to pour forth the longer I was there, in spite of my bloody lips.  I'm sure that he was hoping that I'd pick #1 because I have no doubt that he remembers our last meeting.  Poor guy.

     But me, being me ....... decided that I wanted a third option.  And he, being a person who's getting money from me .... decided that I would get that third option.

And so I signed everything and they gave me the "short version".  

I managed not to cry ..... well, really cry.  I did wipe my eyes a few times while trying to look like I was concentrating on my signature AND on listening to him.

It didn't take them long to go through it all .... it really was a quick version.  I think I was there for maybe half an hour.

     I finished, thanked them both and turned to leave.  The assistant stopped me and reminded me that one of these notebooks was mine .... and she handed it to me.  I'm sure that she knew I really didn't want it and that I really didn't want to take it from her hands ..... but there are times when you have to take a deep breath and act like an adult.

It looks harmless enough, doesn't it?

     Well, at least it does from the back.

Here's the front of the notebook .... the front of all 5 notebooks:

     Yep ..... right there in black and white.  Like I needed to be reminded that he's "Deceased".

And so it was another "end".  Another signature on another line that proves what I sometimes still cannot grasp ..... he really is dead ..... this really is my life.

The estate has been closed, the taxes have been done ...... the endless papers have been signed.

     The notebook and I didn't quite make it to the elevator before the tears started full force. Fortunately it was a quiet building and no one was around me.  

I sobbed all the way to the car and then sat in the car, with the notebook sitting next to me, sobbing.  

     I tried to stop sobbing enough to remember how to get back to the freeway, listening to my GPS, which obviously had not been told that the entrance was closed and so there's a new detour entrance (oh sweet technology!).  

Fortunately there were a couple of nice drivers who let me get into the lane I needed to be in so that I could continue in the right direction.

I was listening to music from my iPod ..... so that I could listen to all of my "belt it" Broadway tunes and hopefully be distracted.

Just as I was trying to change lanes and get onto the free way .... a song from one of my most favorite shows, "Wicked", started.

I was struggling to move over and onto the freeway and my eyes were too blurry for me to pick up the iPod to either turn it off or change the song.  I had to focus on the cars around me and not hitting one of them.

And so I listened to this song ....... and sobbed so hard I probably should have pulled over (but again, this IS Houston and by now the traffic was starting to get heavy .... sobbing seemed like the better choice).

I love this song .... it's always touched me deeply.  But now ...... now it touches me deeply and painfully.

It's called "For Good" ...... it's between two people who are saying goodbye to each other.

Here are the lyrics:

I've heard it said,

That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led ...
To those who help us most to grow...
If we let them...
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you ...
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
That we will never meet again...
In this lifetime,
So let me say before we part ...
So much of me ...
Is made of what I learned from you ...
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end ...
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea;
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood;
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you ...
Because I knew you ...

I have been changed for good.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And ... because I knew you ...
Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Surprised I made it home?

Me, too.

But thankfully, ironically enough ...... it's not a short drive so I had time to become calmer as I drove.

And then ...... (psssssst---- here's where the comedy part comes in ..... I couldn't just leave you with THAT!) .......

 ...... just as I was approaching the exit to our community ..... a song came on that never fails to make me smile.  In fact, it never fails to make me grin.  I LOVE this song.  

Not because it's supposed to be funny ..... because it's not ..... not at all.

But because I love to think of all of the people who abhor this song and love to picture them listening to it.  

The thousands and thousands of pure-bred, feminist, chest-thumping women .......

I find that picture hilarious, for some reason.  Not because I agree with the song ..... no way!   But ....... well, just because, I guess.  

Or maybe, because I'm a little strange.

It has nothing to do with anything about my day ..... other than the fact that it made me smile and made my day start going a bit north.  

And north, even just a few degrees, is much, much better than south (at least in the direction of my days).

And so ......  my peeps ............ I give you .........

Tammy Wynette!

P.S. Don't forget that tomorrow is "Ask Me Wednesday" ........ think up a question as you listen to Tammy.
:)

P.P.S.  I'm pondering showing you all a picture of my awesome scar!!!