Ask Me Wednesday!!

Good Wednesday evening.

     I am just now getting home and sitting down for the first time today (and it's 9:04 p.m.).

I went to a local outlet mall today with some friends ..... it was very good retail therapy.  Well, except for the part 15 minutes or so into the trip when I felt like I was going to hurl from the back of the van.

I've never been carsick so I didn't know what was going on.  But we quickly pulled in some place where I could get some Sprite and something to put in my stomach ...... and they graciously gave me the front seat.  Actually, I'm not so sure it was graciousness so much as no one wanting me to hurl on the back of them.

Anyway, we made it to the mall (it was about an hour drive) and I felt better after a few hours.

     Tonight I went with some friends to watch their daughter (and several other girls I know) play a rousing game of la crosse.  It was a high school play off game and we won, 12-10.  It was a great game.

So now I am home and ready to answer your questions ..... well, as ready as I can be.

Here we go .......

Anon:
My questions for AMW (April 22) are:
1. What percent of your first serves make it in?
2. Do you ever slam your racket into the ground after a bad shot?
3. Have you ever played on grass or clay? How was it?

1.  It totally depends on the day.  Some days I would say as much as 80%, other days it can be lower than 50% (those are very bad days .... when I question my reason for playing!).

2.  No .... I've never slammed my racket.  However ...... when I am tempted to slam it (which does happen once in a while) I literally let go of it and drop it on the court ...... so that I won't slam it.  I have to get it out of my hand as fast as possible.  I've never seen anyone else do it .... they evidently all have much more patience than I do ...... or a better temper.  But at least I know when to let go.

3.  I have never played on grass and can't imagine how that would feel.

I have played on clay .... I don't care for it because it involves way too much sliding and it's hard to judge when to slide when you're not used to it.

It's also very, very messy ...... and I think we all know how I feel about messes.

Anon:
Do you have any humorous stories of traveling with 6 (six) children? If so, would you share one with your "peeps?"

I have a couple of stories that I posted back in October of 2007 ..... "before" ........

Click on the links below to read them ...... they are WAY too long to post here, but they are kinda hilarious ...... now (not at the time they happened!!).

And thanks for asking!!

:)
http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/2007/10/more-memories.html
http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/2007/10/vacation-memory-2.html


Debbie said...
Here is an Ask-Me Wednesday question - though you may have already answered it before (my brain is mush, I did read the archives but can't remember). You mentioned one of your ministries for work is Grief Share. What is the format for that? Is it like a bible study format (video and discussion) or sharing with a workbook or just "open-mike night". I am thinking I might need a grief group (my Jim has been gone a little over 3 months now) - after I scared all the women at my bible study with the intensity of my emotions the other night. :-) I am eligible to go to the Hospice grief groups, but I have some anger towards them right now and I am not sure that would work for me. There is another church in the area that is starting a Grief Share group on May 6th - just trying to get some insight on how it would work before I just show up. Any insight would be appreciated.

Debbie ..... I HIGHLY recommend that you attend that new Grief Share when it starts on May 6th.  It is a video/workbook/discussion group.  Ours last an hour and a half.  We start out discussing the previous week and any points that anyone found in the workbook (which has about 20 minutes of "work" in it for 5 days a week .... very, very easy).  Then we watch that session's video ..... they are always great and answer so many questions.  There are different "professionals" (you will recognize quite a few) and different regular people .... all who have gone through grief.

The very best thing about Grief Share is that you find out that you are not crazy ..... and not alone.

They are always open to anyone in the community ..... you don't have to be a church member there (or anywhere) ..... you don't even have to be a Christian, though it is a Christian-based study.

Please go ..... I promise that you'll be glad you did.  Feel free to ask me more for more details if you need them.

I've followed for a long while and find u absolutely inspirational. We have something in common in that our husbands share the same profession. If my memory serves me correctly from one of your previous entries your husband was very successful in his career, which I am sure required a major amount of his time. I at times struggle with the time commitment this profession requires. As a mother of 4 young children I understand it but at times my kids really struggle with it. Any tips?
S

S --- Thank you so much for the kind words.  And I'm glad to "meet" you.

Yes, Jim was very successful ..... which did require a lot of time ..... especially in the first 10 years or so.

I can't lie ..... in the beginning it was horrible that he spent more than 80 hours a week at work -- especially when we had Daughter #1.  It strained me and our marriage to the limits.  I'm not sure he was totally aware of how strained it was.  

When we lived in Tulsa he was only 20 minutes from the office so he went to work most weekends ...... even after church on Sundays.  I hated his job with a passion in those early years,

and I probably didn't do a very good job of hiding that hate sometimes.

Once we moved to Texas the office was a good distance away .... so he didn't go in as much on the weekends.

And of course, once he made Partner ..... he didn't have to work as hard.

But after we moved here I really had to sit down with myself and have an attitude adjustment.  I had to realize that this was his job, he mostly enjoyed what he did .... and that he would never be the husband who was home by 5:00 every night.  

I then made the decision that I would always serve dinner at 6:30, whether he was here or not, and I would not get angry anymore when he wasn't (he rarely was).  He ate when he got home.

I also took the lawn and pool care away from him after a couple of years .... because he was spending much of the weekends doing that (I just decided we'd hire someone to do that and give up other things to cover it).  That was a great decision.  He had much more time with us.

He also started scheduling one night during the work week as "family night" .... and everyone who worked with him knew that he would not do anything that night of the week.  He was home for dinner that night.

He got involved with the local YMCA when we moved and became involved in "Indian Princesses" (now politically correctly called "Adventure Princesses" .... don't get me started) with Daughter #1, and then the next two when they were old enough.  He also did the "Guides" programs with each of the boys.  This meant that he spent one weekend a month (or two when he had both sexes in it!) on camp outs with the kids.  This is an amazing program which I highly recommend.

He also took turns taking each of the kids with him to run errands on the weekends.  Saturdays were "donut day" and one child would go with him to pick out the donuts.  This continued for years.

I could go on and on here, but everyone else would get extremely bored.  

So ...... the tips I would give ....... be as patient and supportive as you can, but it's also your job to lovingly encourage him to spend whatever time he can with the kids ..... while he can.

See what you can do to help free up his time on the weekends or weeknights, so that he has more time for you and the kids.

Schedule a "date night" at least once a month for the two of you .... no kids.

Schedule a "family night" once a week ...... when he can be with you .... at home, or out to dinner or an outing or whatever.  Home and games are usually best, as well as easiest and cheapest.

Know that this is how God made him ..... and try to work around it.  Which means that you may need to take on more things around the house, or you may have to be the one who takes the kids somewhere for spring break, or for a couple of weeks in the summer (I drove our kids to Oklahoma for two weeks most summers).

Also know that, most likely, he will find a way to do work even on vacation.  Unless you go on a cruise .... which was Jim's favorite vacation .... because he couldn't work.  It was great.

Feel free to e-mail me any time (jeggerstx@gmail.com) to ask more detailed questions.  I hope that I helped a bit.

How did you handle dating/boys with your girls? I still have a couple of years but want to be prepared. Would it be too strange if we required the young man to visit with us before he takes out our daughter?

Lisa B.

Hi Lisa ....

I don't think it would be strange at all.  Go for it.  But also brace yourself for the crud that will be dished your way .... and sometimes your daughters' way.  But, that's OK, too.

We have always said that the kids can't date until they were 16.  Son #1 seemed to think this rule changed by the time he was 14 ...... but I think that's the "each day is brand-spanking new with no rules until you tell them again" part of being a boy.

He once blamed us because a "girlfriend" broke up with him because we wouldn't allow him to go out on a date with her.  

I totally, and not too sadly, claimed responsibility for that one ........ yes, I took one for the team.

     We let them go out in groups around the age of 14, but we always called to make sure all of the other parents involved (or supposedly involved) were on board.  We did this each time the kids were invited to a party, too (as shocking as it may sound .... I think that there are some kids out there who will try to have parties when their parents don't know anything about it!!!).    We always asked what would be served, what kind of movie would be shown (rating-wise), or what activities were planned.

The kids were sometimes embarrassed by that, but I found that almost all of the other parents really appreciated it.

Also, don't permit a boy to sit in the car and honk for your daughter.  Never.

Make him come to the door and meet you ..... and torture him a bit by requiring conversation ... and pointing out your husband's gun collection can also work wonders.  :)

OK, Peeps ...... it's now almost 10:30 so I'm checking out.

I'm not going to take much time to edit this ..... so please forgive the typos.  Yes, I hate them, too .... but am trying to let go of some things ..... sometimes.

Have a good one.