"Ask Me Wednesday Thursday"

Happy Thursday, Peeps.

L and I headed out to run some errands this morning and do a bit of shopping and then found ourselves not getting home until 4:00. We had planned to go the beach this afternoon and eat dinner there, but felt that 4:00 was too late to start getting ready.

So I am now lying by the pool and enjoying this fabulous weather, which is just as good as going to the beach ..... maybe even better because we don't have to deal with sand.

AND I can write my tardy weekly post.

Two of my Circle friends are now in San Diego, enjoying a land and water tour. It was great to get texts from them and I look forward to seeing them tomorrow.

I will miss J, L and S very much. I always hate leaving here ..... I love relaxing with them and playing with S. And I love that they love having me here, too. And, J is such a strong connection to Jim.

I must get on with the questions before I start crying ...... I've done pretty well today ..... only once so far!

OK ..... off we go .......

Al asks:

Did you have a favorite ride? What was an interesting meal (food wise) on the trip? When will see a picture of you on the trip?

My favorite ride was and still is the Rockin' Roller Coaster, though I have to say that Expedition Everest came in a close second.

As for interesting meals ..... nothing that stands out in my mind so I guess that's a no.

And as for pictures ... there were only a few, which I posted after you asked the question. There are far fewer pictures of me now ..... guess it comes with the territory of this path.

Susan asks:

what hotel were you in?

We stayed at Disney's Beach Resort. I think it's rather new ..... at least new since we were there last, which was about 8 or so years ago.

Carrie asks:

I think it had something to do with balancing ministry and parenting - especially with six kids. I am SOOOO bad at balance - I love to just totally throw myself into one thing or another & forget about everything else. And right now it's parenting for me - I'm quitting my job in a few weeks & having a 2nd child in a few months, and I'm totally focused on that. But I also need to be involved in the ministry here at the camp where I (for now) work & where my hubby works & we live here, so I'm sort of a part of it no matter what. :) I guess I haven't really said a question yet...so...how did you balance ministry with your parenting - or did you just view your parenting AS your ministry - especially during the crazy baby/toddler years?

Carrie, my first answer to you is that parenting IS your ministry now. It's where God has placed you and where He wants you. As for volunteering at church, or whatever you consider to be another ministry, you can balance this, but you need to lower your expectations of yourself. I was active in Bible studies for moms, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), weekly play groups (which, yes, is also a ministry) ..... things that involved the kids in some way, even if it was putting them in the church nursery. I was able to do more as they got older and got into school. But that day will come soon enough. Do what you can, when you can, but you are ministering to the most important people in your life now ..... and to others that you come in contact with, whether they are friends coming over to play, or complete strangers who watch how you parent at the grocery store. Do make time for you, without the kids, so that you can continue to be a good mom .... that's very important. It also makes you a better wife (and be sure to make time for him, away from the kids, too).

I hope I answered your question without sounding too "flip". I think it's a great question and one all moms struggle with.

RJ asks:

I know that icing sugar by any other name doth taste as sweet (it's what we call powdered sugar!)

But I am stumped by the idea that butter could come in a stick.

Down here in NZ we buy butter by the pound (or in metric measurements, a 500gm block)

It's the patriotic thing to do, as our economy has a strong base in the dairy industry.

Is a stick 4 oz?

Also, on a strange tangent, what colour is it in the US? I know your cheese is sometimes dyed orange, the colour of Double Gloucester, whereas our cheddar and edam is cheddar coloured.

NZ butter is lemon-gold from all the grass the cows eat, as the climate is mild enough for cows to roam the pastures year round, whereas Danish butter is a paler cream/white (presumably because the cows spend a lot of time indoors)

Also, anyone know a substitute for buttermilk? It isn't something that we tend to get here very often, although it can be found.

To which Jessica replied:

I think I have this recipe -- and it IS fabulous! This comes from a Yankee who has lived in Texas for over 24 years. Everyone should give this one a try.Buttermilk substitute -- 1 Tablespoon white vinegar or lemon juice; milk -- just under 1 cup. Pour vinegar or lemon juice into a 1-cup measuring cup. Pour milk in, to bring it up to the 1-cup line. Allow to sit for 5 minutes. Yes, a stick of butter is 4 oz. and yes, our butter is pale yellow. I think that some idiot decided to dye cheeses that strange, orange-y yellow here. I prefer mine without dyes. Thank you, Jessica!!!! You did a much better job of answering it than I could have! :)

W asks:

I have a question for your AMW: Do you think you are suffering from survivor's guilt? I know you weren't in an accident together and I'm asking the question based on how I dealt with the death of a loved one. I got myself very stuck in my grief because being happy, or moving on made me feel terribly guilty. Like, I couldn't enjoy myself fully when my loved one wasn't there. I'm not suggesting that this is your boggle, just wondering if you relate to mine.

That's a very good question, W .... and I honestly don't think that I am. If anything, I often wish it had been me and not him, but that's the selfish part of me. I really wouldn't want Jim to have to go through this pain .... it's too much for anybody.

I don't think I'm stuck in my grief .... I know what that looks like (having gone through Grief Share twice now) .... I just think that I'm still out in the waves a lot. I do have days of peaceful waters ..... which is great and I do NOT take them for granted. I enjoy them, knowing that they will not last. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I suspect that there will always be a wave or two every so often ..... but I know that they will come less frequently and further in between the quiet, peaceful waters. I don't feel guilty when I feel happy ..... I try to enjoy it. I want to be happy ..... much happier and I think I will. In time.

Kim from Canada asks:

Hi Janine, My question is about teenagers. I am having trouble letting go. I have an 18 year old who is independant, smart, social and very outgoing. He wants to be free but I worry about him all the time. I am always assuming the worst even though nothing terrible has happened so far (but it could right?). Sometimes when I try to let go I stop because if feels like not caring??? I can't get there but know I need to. He is going away to university in the fall and will be living on campus 4hours from home. I try not to think about that too much right now. Help!
Kim (Canada)

Kim, I think what you are going through is normal for this stage in your life (I'm assuming you haven't always had this issue with him). The time before your child heads off to school is very, very difficult. It's the time when you realize you really don't have any control. And you need to realize that. You've done the best job that you could for 18 years. No, you weren't perfect, but nobody is, which is a relief.

Actually, the first time I realized I had no more control was the first time Daughter #1 took the car out by herself. She walked out of the house and I fell to my knees in the kitchen, crying and praying. I had to give her up to God, knowing I could NOT become that unglued every time she drove a car! It got easier each time.

You know you need to let go ..... and you probably know that you really don't have as good of a hold on him as you like to think. You need to give him to God and pray for peace in doing that. Heck, you may have to pray that every 5 minutes for a while. But I promise you .... it's what's best for him AND you. You want him to be the best possible man you raised him to be ..... and that takes having parents who trust him and his ability to make decisions. You're not losing him, you're continuing to watch him grow and thrive and enjoy his life.

It's not easy .... I know that. But just keep praying, and I will pray for you ...... as I'm sure many of my Peeps will do.

OK, Peeps .... that's all for now.

As always .... thanks for asking ....... and thanks for reading.