.... and the day did not end as well as I had hoped ...... hope against hope.
My 3 campers came home tonight and we had a great evening ..... until I had to tell D2 that I had given her cat away.
I have never felt so worthless and sucky as a mother ..... especially not with this child.
TANW to describe how badly I feel, how much I feel that I've failed her, disappointed her, let her down, broken her heart.
Yes, I have what seem to be good excuses for doing what I did ..... I couldn't take it any more. I couldn't put up with cat pee and poop in my house (and not in a litter box) one more day. I couldn't cope with the thought of that cat dying inside the walls of my house when she would disappear for days at a time while the workers were here.
And it got so bad that I felt I had to get rid of all of the cats .... even the two I loved and needed a year ago.
Just as D2 needed her cat, who helped her get through her Daddy's death.
So me, me, me, me ....... just thought about me, me, me ....... and did the only thing that I thought would help me keep my sanity for a bit longer.
And I cannot undo it.
So she is upstairs crying herself to sleep, feeling that one of the few people she could really trust can no longer be trusted.
And I am downstairs ..... crying and blogging and wishing I could just vaporize out of here.
And thinking, "Damnit, Jim!!! I am SO SICK of doing all of this. YOU should be here."
But of course .... he's not. And so it's still very quiet down here ..... except for my tears .... and my thoughts.
My thoughts are very, very loud tonight.
13 comments:
sending you hugs from oz.
TANW Just praying for all of you. May peace flood your thoughts and your day.
Oh Janine,
I am so sorry that you are going through ALL that you are. It's just one more thing, isn't it!? I so understand, even the smallest of decisions are HUGE for us. You know your daughter will get past this. It was a good decision. NO ONE,wants a cat or dog, or any other thing that pees and poops in their house, no matter what their ups and downs are in life.
I do hope your day today will be much better. I'm sure after having a night to have things cool down, your daughter will be more understanding. I know this won't help, but I am sending hugs to you anyway!! Lorry
I totally understand. My daughter wanted a puppy so bad after my husband died. After 2 months I relented and we got Cooper. The cutest little yorkie you have ever seen. Well, we had Cooper for a whole of two weeks when he got very sick. I paniced!! I just had gotten done taking care of my husband who had been sick with colon cancer for 4 years. I just buried my husband. I COULD NOT take care of a sick puppy. So what did I do, I brought him back to the breeder. I was only thinking of me, me, me. My daughter was completely devestated. Her dad had died and now I took her puppy away. Looking back on it now (2 years and 2 months later) I did what I had to do at the time. I just could not do it. I am sorry I did it but I was in a different place. My daughter still brings it up from time to time (whens she is mad and wants to make me feel bad) but I think deep down she understands. Please don't beat yourself up. This road is not an easy one. At times it is down right excruciating. But you are doing the best you can do and that is all anyone can ask of you. I am praying for both you and D2. Linda
Praying for you.
I would have done EXACTLY the same thing. Animals peeing and pooping indoors is not acceptable and cannot continue no matter how cute they are or how much they are loved. You did the right thing - hard as it was/is. Hopefully your daughter will realize this soon. I am sure if she came home to a smelly room instead of a clean fresh one she would think differently? Don't beat yourself up - unsanitary living conditions are not negotiable. Moms have to make decisions that everyone is not happy with sometimes - just part of our job:-).
Kim (Canada)
I gave up Bandit, our pug, our daughters first every dog for the same reasons. I could not take him marking his territory all over my house!! He was ill, and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I am sure D2 is crying more because it didn't work out, NOT because you gave the kitty away. I am sure THAT part, she understands. We are about to go through the same thing again as well....the Great Dane...yah, she's not so great. She likes to jump the fence and chase everyone in the neighborhood. Not good. If the base doesn't TELL us to get rid of her, she will meet her FATE with Mr. Moose or Mr. Bear next time she gets out! Almost at my wits end with her too...so sad, but there HAS to be a limit??? It sucks. She is VERY smart and loving. Just hyper as heck! {{sigh}}
You did the right thing. All part of letting go...moving forward...THATS HARD.
XOXO ;)
Kath
Honestly? Probably an unpopular opinion on the horizon, but what else is new?
I don't know the circumstances but I'm assuming that your daughter has been at school. The truth of the matter is this: A pet is responsibility. It's a burden, another thing to take care of and quite frankly, for the past 19 months or so, it's been an applaudable fact that you've been able to take care of yourself.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Hopefully, in time your daughter will realize that survival has been the name of the game for you. And in survival mode, all other peripherals must sometimes go. Including pets. Validate her feelings, it sounds like you've already apologized, but be true to yourself too. It's been a tough effing time and NOT the time to assume the role of caretaker to other people's animals. And especially animals that defecate in your home. Because that just adds another responsibility to your task list.
You can certainly delete my comment if you think it's too harsh, but I call 'em as I see 'em.
loving you...and D2
Good afternoon my darling daughter.
I am SO sorry. I know in time D2 will be able to understand the whys
of what you HAD to do. But in the meantime I know how hard this is on you. You did what you had to, so please don't let it get the best of you. I love you dearly.
Oh, Janine, I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to give up a pet, and my kids were too young to even know what I did!
I agree with W--you did the right thing. ((((hugs))))
Feeling your pain as well as the frustration that led you to have to make the decision. I have seen first hand as a realtor the permanent damage spraying and peeing animals (especially cats) can cause in a house. Still..my sympathy does nothing to ease the suffering you're feeling. Hope its all behind you soon.
Luanne
Awww...I'm sorry. What a tough decision. Praying for you & hoping you & your daughter are able to talk & feel better soon.
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