A Roller Coaster Friday

Happy Friday, my Peeps. I hope your day was better than mine.

There are some mornings (and this was one of them) when I wake up, or rather, start waking up, and my body and mind are seized by a huge grip of anxiety ..... before I'm even fully awake. It's something on the "new side" .... meaning I've only noticed it in the past few months. I don't know what the heck is going on, what the heck starts it, since I'm still asleep when it strikes, or what the heck to do to stop it. But it's paralyzing. All I can do is curl up in a tight ball and not move, other than the involuntary shaking that seems to accompany it.

I. Feel. Like. I'm. Going. Insane.

Really.

It hasn't happened a lot, so that's good. Just another one of those "wave" things that I don't see coming ..... it just blindsides me.

And so I think it is time to go back to the doctor to try a different med, as much as I loathe the thought of that ...... the whole "trial and error" method of finding a med that will work without too many side effects, but something must be done.

Unless one of you invents the "happy pill" before Monday .... that's my plan. Get busy on that, Peeps ..... please!!!

:)

I managed to uncurl myself and get out of bed, but only because I had made a commitment to help with our MOPS registration today (I'm going to be a Mentor Mom again this year, which I'm looking forward to).

Then I came home, puttered around the house and started feeling a bit better. Until ....... I had to call AAA to remind them that Jim is still dead. They seemed to have forgotten that since I called them last year to take his name off of the account. The woman was very nice, but ...... while she had me on hold for quite a while so that she could remove his name ...... I snapped. I don't know why ..... one second I was calm and the next I was trying very hard to not throw up all over my bedroom floor. The emotions were swirling inside of me so hard that I knew I had to get off of that phone quickly.

And as soon as I hung up .... I barely made it. And cried and dry heaved for quite a while, all the while saying out loud, "This is SO stupid! Get used to it. Get used to it. GET USED TO IT!!"

I still don't get it. One moment I'm calm .... I've had to make several of these calls, and while they're never easy, they don't always slam into me anymore.

Thankfully, God has given my brother the gift of excellent timing when I'm at a point like this, and he texted. And then he immediately called and was able to calm me down a bit.

I still can't explain it ..... I still hate it ..... I still feel insane and all I want to be is happy.

I was able to take a short nap before Son #2 came home and then we had another big event. No ...... strike that ..... it was a HUGE event. I took him to get his driver's license. Yes, he is legal.

Be afraid ..... very, very afraid ..... if you live in our community!!

Actually, he's a pretty good driver. He's a little on the slow side, which is perfectly fine with me.

So while I felt anxious about him driving today to go pick up Son #3 .... I was also thrilled to feel some freedom again in that area!!!! So a big thank You to God for this. And .... we only had to wait an hour at the DPS office, which is a pretty decent time. So 2 thank Yous.

Son #2 was able to drop Son #3 off at the high school tonight for a football event that actually didn't last very long because we got a big rain storm.

So D #1 and I have been hanging out, watching a movie, while I've paid bills and tried to get a few things ready for the bridal shower we're having here in the morning. D #2 and #3 are on their way here tonight. Yay for more girl power in the house for a couple of days!

At least I accomplished something pretty big yesterday .... I managed to get all of the two Sons' school supplies by going to only 2 stores. For those of you who've tried to get everything on the teachers' lists the first week of school .... you know how what a huge accomplishment this is. That's because by the end of the first day of school, almost everything is sold out. It's nuts. So I really pushed the limit by waiting until Day FOUR. And it went OK. Another Yay.

Well, Peeps, D#2 just got home so I shall sign off. Thank you for riding the roller coaster vicariously through me today ...... heck .... most days.

I know that when it comes to riding it .... I'm on it alone. But I know that you're there, on the sidelines, praying for my safety, my sanity, my health, my future.

And that you care.

And THAT, my Peeps ..... IS something.

Something huge.

Thank you.