To Tase ... or Not To Tase ...

Ummmm .... about that title ..... it will make sense eventually, just not yet.

I stayed in bed until 3:00 p.m. today.

Literally.

Stayed.

In.

Bed.

Well, I'm not counting the one time I got up when I first woke up ..... went into the family run, stared at the TV for about 2 seconds .... and then thought, "Crap. This day doesn't feel so well."

So I turned off the TV and went back into my room, locked the door and crawled into bed.

And slept some, thought more, stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore certain voices that sometimes fill my head.

I got a phone call from someone who was worried (since I also didn't have my computer, my cell phone or the house phone in my room) that I had not answered any calls or texts.

This person called at just the right time -- I had decided to get up to get something to drink around 2:00, when I saw my cell phone and the missed texts and calls.

I returned the call, though I debated on that for a while .... I really wanted to just crawl back into my bed, which is exactly what I did .... only this time I took the phone with me.

And this person's love filled my brain for a while so that there was no room up there for the voices.

I know what's behind the voices .... grief, tiredness, pain (heart and hip), loneliness, people's opinions (only the wrong ones), the hurtful words I've heard (and the ones that I make up to go along with them), expectations, masks, and a whole lot of self-pity.

It's kind of scary to think that you could literally die in bed ..... and maybe know one would know for a couple of days. Or you could have a heart attack or something that would cause you to die .... unless you got help quickly. But ...... no one would be there to get the help in time.

I hate this part of being "single". And I know I'm not the only one out there who hates it. And it's not just widows.

But what can you do?

But crawl back into bed on the days that feel like crap.

When I got up at 3:00 Son #2 and I went out to run some errands.

We were home at 5:00 and I still feel like I could sleep for the rest of the night. Emotionally I'm better, but physically I still feel tired and very sleepy.

But, I think that I shall hop into the shower, slap on a mask or 5, and head up to church to watch "27 Dresses" with some fun women.

I think that will be more productive than going back to bed. Besides, the boys are having some friends over tonight (with my brother as chaperone) and will be playing obnoxiously loud video games.

There's no way I'm hanging around for that.

Speaking of the boys ..... my two bunny-killing, tall tale-telling, testosterone-filled young men want me to get a gun.

Very badly.

They worry that I do not have adequate protection in case something happens and they're not here (ummmmm .... and I'm wondering why they think I'm any safer WITH them here?!).

So they've been pushing the "gun issue" for a while ...... which of course was only fueled by their visit to the farm and lots of money spent on ammo.

I've told them it's not open for discussion. There's no way I'd have a gun in this house with THOSE two testosterone-filled lads.

Son #3 asked if it was because I'd be afraid to shoot someone. I laughed really hard at that.

Nope ..... not afraid to do that.

At all.

I think I'm more afraid of WHO I'd shoot ..... and I'll just leave that at that.

But yesterday I was offered a compromise (like I had even indicated I'd take one?!) ......

I could buy a Taser.

It's a good thing I was not taking a drink when he offered that ..... or I would've had drink coming out of my nose.

But now that I've thought about it ...... I'm starting to really like the idea of that.

Because I could shoot anybody and it wouldn't be fatal ..... or necessarily lead me to being put in a patrol car with my hands behind my back ...... or trying to hide my face from all of the reporters while wear leg shackles and an ugly orange jumpsuit.

Cuz they have a tendency to do that down here when a mom goes nuts and ..... well, you know what could happen if a mom went nuts.

But it might be quite nice to hear, "Don't tase me, bro Mom!"

(Just for grins, I went to Taser.com ....... and found this picture, that I of course then had to share with my Peeps.

It completely reminds of a certain testosterone-filled duo that I know ..... quite well.)