I'm feeling much better, thank you all very much for asking and e-mailing.
At least, I'm feeling better physically.
Emotionally I'm a train wreck.
I'm really pissed at Jim this week.
And the things I'm having to deal with in Teenage Land that he should be here to deal with.
I'm so sick of doing this alone. How do so many people do this (and do it well!!) for so many years??!!! I suck at it and it's only been a little over 2 years!!
I seem to be sucking at everything lately. I can't do any one thing very well: parenting, my job, tennis, friendships, taking care of my house, etc.
I'd really like to run away from everything and just start over (although C wouldn't be able to go with me so that, too, would suck).
Jim would totally have done a much better job at this than I have. I should have been the one to die, not him. God kind of blew it on that one.
The kids would have been better off with him (as would the house!), I have no doubt. I wonder how often they think that? I think about it almost every day. God took the wrong parent.
It's not that my life sucks, because it doesn't ..... not as much as it used to anyway. But I just seem to be floundering for some reason.
This week I have dealt with school officials and police, and tonight I get to talk with an upset parent ..... what a great start to the week! And the only person who seems to have been impacted by them .... is me.
Sigh.
But the relationship is good, thankfully. He still hasn't run away from all of this. He's a very good man. Maybe he's a very good, crazy man for sticking with me and all of the crap that's part of me. : )
OK, that's my vent for today.
Who knows? Maybe it'll be my vent for the week.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Happy Wednesday, Peeps.
: )
8 comments:
I love you. I don't have one single word of wisdom or comfort. Just know that I, and many, many, many others, are thankful for that fact that you are alive. You are loved. Know that today.
I really resonate with this Janine:
"I'm so sick of doing this alone."
My teens drove me crazy.. I sucked at it too.. thankfully Ann stuck with them and me through all of our craziness.
You are the glue. If God had taken you, these exact thoughts would have been Jim's.
I felt the same way from September '09, until February '10. ;) Dealt with teachers, coaches, broken noses, sick children and TEENAGER drama! Wish I had the answers for you. I suck at it too. I am more thankful for Michael than ever. Can you believe I'm saying that?? After all the stories you all tell of his youth and TEENAGE years, doesn't it sound crazy that he's the better parent???!!! LOL!!!
Hang in there, we can't be ALL that bad!
XOXO
Hello Janine, I am so sorry that you are having a bad week. I wish I had encouraging words for you, but I have none. You are usually my encouragment. I too know that God took the wrong parent!! It isn't that I think I am bad at it, because I am very grateful for our boys, so far I have no trouble with them, but, John is not here to enjoy them and he should be!! He is not here to see them grow into wonderful young men, and it saddens me everytime I am here to see this and he is not. Although, I have never been made at John for leaving me, I am still very angry at GOD. Do you really feel you are made at Jim, or just at the situation you are left in alone? I know with all my heart, 100% that given the choice, John would have NEVER have left me and our boys. SO, I am angry at what I feel is the correct one to be angry at, GOD, HE had the power to do something about this and didn't, that is why I am here, alone, and doing this by myself. I do hope the rest of your week goes better. I think of you often. Hugs to you, Lorry
Sorry Sis...I love you.
It must be so hard for you to do this alone. I'm struggling with teens as well and I'm not a single parent. I wish I could be there for you. Be strong and know that you will get through this.
I am not in nearly as difficult a situation as you, but I understand the feeling of sucking at and being overwhelmed by everything - I go through at least one day a week that I just feel totally overwhelmed by everything! We all feel this way sometimes! Hope you're feeling better by now!
Hey sis,
I love you. So. Very. Much.
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