Or wordless with emotion.
And even bursting with pride.
Now don't get me wrong ...... we all know that they can also leave you on your knees in tears.
Or wordless with anger.
(Ummmmm ...... here's where any of you with wee, beyond beautiful babies and terrific toddlers ...... or any child/ren under the age of, oh ...... let's say ...... 9 (as in years) ...... should go find another blog to read. Because no, you can not, nor ever will be able to, relate to these words. Your child/ren are perfection with their cooing, constant smiles, tight hugs, running to the door with squeals and shrieks when daddy gets home, and the heart tugging way they look into your eyes and say, "I wuv you, Mommy." So go, be off with you. And have a nice day. You're doing a great job. : )
OK, now that they're gone ...... I hope you all know that I said they'd never be able "to relate to these words", because ...... well, because life has a way of smacking you in the face every once in a while, and their smacks will come all too soon. I just didn't want one to come from me. : )
Now where was I?
Oh yes ...... wordless with anger.
Hmmmm ...... I wonder if any of you have felt like that?
I have made no secret of the difficulties we've had around here since Jim died.
Wait ...... you'll have to excuse me for a moment because I'm laughing so hard at using the word "difficulties" (which is like saying hurricane Katrina was a summer shower) that tears are rolling down my face and it's difficult to see the keyboard. Give me a minute ......
Whew ...... I haven't had that good of a laugh since Camp Widow over a week ago. And dang, it felt good. : )
OK, I digressed ...... again.
I need to read up for a moment to see where I was.
"Now that they're gone ...", nope. "Smacks" ... no. "Wordless anger..."nope, but getting closer.
A-ha! The "difficulties".
snicker .....
Right.
I've made no secret of the things we've dealt with since Jim's death.
Actually, I've pretty much made no secret about anything.
Not always a good decision, but there you go.
Parenting teenagers is hard.
Usually.
Almost always.
At least once or twice for some teens.
And those are very rare teens.
If you have those kind of teenagers ...... you need to leave right now. Really.
You won't be able to understand this post so why waste your time? You should head right over to Pioneer Woman's blog ...... and learn all about herding cattle. She even has pictures. : )
So, yet again ...... here we are.
With me reminding you (like I really had to) that these past 5+ years have been mostly horrid.
Mostly.
But not all.
And thankfully, horrid hasn't been around here for quite a while now.
(Please, Dear Lord, don't consider this a throw down. I promise I'm not gloating, being prideful, or in need of a reminder of just how bad things can get.
Let's see .... parenting, hard, teenagers. Ah yes.
It is.
Single parenting teenagers is very difficult.
And only parenting teenagers (a phrase we widowed people use because we ARE the only parent -- which in no way means to take away from the fact that many single parents are also the only parent. Sheesh, it seems like I'm spending an awful lot of time this morning trying to be careful not to step on toes. Enough of that. If you have delicate toes, either go catch up with Big Mama or go put on some steel-toed boots) ...
Only parenting is beyond difficult.
Beyond painful.
Beyond lonely.
And sometimes ...... beyond shattering.
There were many days when I was tempted to just give up. Completely, Physically as well as emotionally.
Trying to hang onto the same parenting reins that Jim and I had always possessed, required more strength than I had now without him. And having "friends" who tried inserting themselves as my child/ren's wonderful, oh-so-sympathetically-undertanding and better "parent" was a wall I could not climb over.
There were many, many days that I almost ...... almost gave up and lost hope.
Almost, but not quite.
Parenting
But ...... then they, and you/I ...... begin to grow up. A little.
And sometimes ...... you realize that your child/ren is a better person than you could've hoped.
A better person than you.
Last night was our high school's annual "Athletic Banquet". Each sport was represented. Trust me, that's a lot of sport.
Parents, students, teachers, coaches, administration ...... trust me, that's a lot of people. : )
Son #3 was there.
And he looked mighty nice in a jacket and one of Jim's bow ties.
Man, I love that kid.
Anyway ...... I need to go back in time for a moment. And don't think I can't see you all rolling your eyes and sighing out loud! And saying, "WHEN is she going to get on with it? WHEN is she going to make a point?!"
And to that I reply, maybe never. This is my blog, after all, so I can ramble as much as I want.
Stop eye-rolling. I'll get there.
Back in time.
Son #3 has liked our school soccer team for years now. He enjoys hanging out with the boys on the team and truly enjoys the sport.
The coach noticed that early on last year and so asked Son #3 if he'd be the "videographer" for the team. Meaning that he'd film all of the games.
All.
Home and away.
He accepted the offer and ran with it. And mostly enjoyed it, I think. It kind of made him feel a part of the team and he was able to cheer them on.
Speed up to this past fall (see, that didn't take too long).
Son #3 planned to tryout for the team. He had worked all summer on his soccer skills and played when he could.
I was excited for him.
Because I believed that the coach would put him on the team, if not for his soccer skill, then for his dedication to the team the year before.
I was wrong.
He didn't make the team.
And boy was I ticked.
And he was disappointed, though he tried to act like he wasn't (teenage boys and all that).
We both knew that the coach would soon approach him to be the videographer again. We both wondered if that was why he wasn't chosen for the team.
And we both knew that the disappointment was so deep that he'd say no.
And that's exactly what happened.
I couldn't blame him. I would've done the same thing. And since he's my child, the mama bear in me wanted to take a swipe at the coach.
But I didn't.
Fast forward to this year's soccer season.
Son #3 went to the games.
And he cheered.
Not only did he cheer, but he started to bring things with him to help cheer on his friends.
Like speakers and music to play to get the tiny group of soccer fans (mostly parents) up and cheering.
Then he downloaded music (national anthems) from each country that the boys' represented. A couple of the boys were born in a different country. And some of the others' families were from other countries.
So there were several songs.
And students started to join Son #3 wherever he was sitting and helped him cheer. And dance. And sing.
Then flags were made. Flags representing the different countries.
Son #3's car was becoming quite full.
He went to every home game and almost every away game.
And still worked at his part time job.
OK, that was a total lie.
But that's a different story about a different battle that was given up.
As Son #3 continued to cheer and work up the crowd and get more cheerers, or yell leaders or whatever, added to this group ... they soon became known as " the Rowdy Rows".
And the crowd of soccer fans grew larger.
And it didn't just consist of parents and family. Other students, other parents, teachers and administrators were coming.
And the crowd grew.
And the team won.
And won and won ...... and won some more.
Son #3 continued cheering and encouraging people to come to the games. He posted on FB and talked it up at school.
And before we knew it ...... they were suddenly facing the last game of the season before the playoffs. If they won, they were moving forward. If they lost, the season was over.
(You guys totally feel like you're watching "Hoosiers" or "Remember the Titans" right now, don't you? Or maybe, "Dodgeball" or "Water Boy". Whatever.)
I wont' leave you hanging ...... they won.
They were playoff-bound.
Now, something happened at the game before that last regular season game. Something negative and unfair and pretty crappy. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that someone, who's evidently very insecure, abused his authority as a member of the high school staff. He thought authority means "power". It does not.
But for whatever reason, he chose to set his sights on Son #3, who was busily cheering, leading cheers and playing music for the team AND the crowd.
And though it wasn't right, or ethical, or just plain nice ...... this staff member decided to make an example of my son.
And sent a letter to the principal stating how, in his opinion, my son had flagrantly been "insubordinate" with him. He requested that Son #3 be suspended and banned from all future soccer games.
And ...... in spite of the e-mails, letters, phone calls and even office visits by many of the parents who were there and saw what happened (and what didn't happen), and in spite of meeting with my son and hearing his side of what happened (which matched perfectly with the side of everyone in the stands) the principal banned Son #3 from the next game.
The first playoff game.
Which, for maybe the first time in just about any sport, was being played on our home field.
Son #3, being the very independent and mostly secure person that he is, called the district superintendent and made an appointment with him to appeal the principal's decision. He wasn't the only one. At least one soccer parent also made an appointment to do that.
But in the end, the superintendent didn't want to/couldn't over-rule that decision. But he could make a phone call to ask the principal if he was sure he had made the right decision.
It seems the principal was sure.
Or didn't want to lose face.
Or maybe didn't get that call.
So the ban, in spite of the rumor that spread like wildfire throughout the school and parent hotline, remained intact.
I went to that game in place of my son.
And I enjoyed watching the person who had originally abused his authority ...... stare down every person in that stadium and every person who walked through the gate, to make sure that Son #3 didn't appear. Throughout the entire match.
I bet his eyes hurt when he got home that night.
: )
I also enjoyed the stories the other parents told me about my son and how much he had done for the team, how they had come to rely on his cheering, encouragement and support. And I heard that he had made a difference.
Which is all a parent can hope for their child/ren. That they make a difference.
Almost everyone there expected to see Son #3. They all thought that the ban had been lifted. I didn't enjoy telling them that it hadn't.
So Son #3 didn't make an appearance in the stands.
But he was there. And no, I don't mean "in spirit" or because I was there representin'.
Really?! You think I'd suddenly get all hokey here?! Sheesh.
No, he was there.
Physically.
He saw the whole game.
In person.
And I enjoyed the texts and pictures he sent to let me know where he was.
He wasn't in the stands.
He wasn't on the field.
He wasn't anywhere he was not supposed to be.
But ...... he was there.
And he did his best to lead the cheering Rowdy Rows through texts.
And the team won.
They won the first weekend of playoffs, too, and Son #3 was there for both.
Unfortunately, they lost during the second weekend of playoffs. And Son #3 was there. With a bigger than big crowd of supporters who rode busses for almost 2 hours to go support our team.
Such is life.
Winning isn't guaranteed.
OK, that might have been a little hokey.
But true.
So last night, Son #3 went to the sports banquet. When he got home I asked him how it went.
He said it was emotional, but good.
I asked if he had been recognized for being a great yell leader or Rowdy Rower, or whatever you want to call it.
Yes. Yes he was.
He received a standing ovation.
From everyone representing every sport.
From every player, every parent, every coach, every teacher and every administrator.
He had made a difference.
The soccer coach came up to him later and said something like this:
"I know how disappointed you were to not make the team. But I want you to know that you added more to this team, as its' encourager, cheerer ..... as its' spirit, who made people interested in soccer and in coming to the matches to support us ...... than you ever could've as a single player on a team."
He went on to tell him that if he uses that much spirit and energy and positiveness and heart in everything he does, he'll go very far.
And I couldn't agree more.
Children will sometimes ...... be better people than you could've hoped.
They can be better than
Happy Wednesday, Peeps.
: )
10 comments:
People can be so shitty...that's the only word I can think of to use. What goes around comes around. Kudos to your son for turning a negative into a positive and having fun doing it! I'm sure the team appreciated it more than he knows!
That is one heck of a story and family you've made there lady! Very lucky to see that light at the end of the tunnel.
Wow! I have tears in my eyes and pride in my soul. What an amazing young man you've raised. Thank you so much for sharing this inspiring story.
Laurie
I laughed,I got very mad,I cryed,Got mad again,cried again.So can relate to school being unfair but to sons overcoming.Been there many times.
That is a GREAT story (except the part where Son #3 doesn't get to finish what he started). I hope that he has started a tradition that will carry forward and I'm glad he was appreciated for his enthusiasm and effort. From what I have seen, sportsmanship and support from the stands is in short supply at many schools these days.
Love you,
Ann
I am so proud of C and you (and Jim because he certainly had his hand in there as well)! What a freakin' life changing story for all involved. Good triumphs once again! Hugs.
Great story, awesome son! If I had known, I may have shown up at the soccer game too just to see the enthusiasm he created.
I got a hug from him the other day when he was at work.
Love,
Nat
what a great story - except for the part where the school official was on a power trip. ugh. He is an amazing young man!
Oh my, thanks for sharing this wonderful story!. Kudos to your son! Unfortunately I guess that is one of those life lessons that we all have to learn at some point. We've all had to face someone like that "Jerk" school official in our lives. ARRGGHH!! As a Mom this is one of the hardest things, when one of your kids have been treated unfairly!
Great story. Great kiddo :)
I thought of you the other day as I watched Dr OZ on my dvr lineup...I don;t have an email for you or else I would have sent the link etc.
ANYWAY, there was a chick on who was diagnosed with RA and she was trying different natural things and this helped her to the point of not needing meds anymore, ans I thought about you. Not sure if this could help, but hey:
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/3-day-jumpstart-cleanse
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