And here I am again.
I'm worried.
I'm sad.
And I'm scared.
Most of you know that I haven't been scared of much, if anything, since Jim died.
But tonight I'm scared.
I'm scared for D, but I'm mostly scared for my mother.
I wish I could block her from reading this post, but I know I can't.
Besides, she's no dummy.
We've been basically living together for the last week.
And tonight ...... she got scared.
D seems to be doing "ok" physically, other than the obvious pain of having a knee replaced and having to go through PT.
We've mostly become used to that and he has seemed to make baby steps each day in moving his right leg. Very, tiny baby steps, but hey... steps are steps.
It's not his physical condition that has caused this fear to rise up into our throats.
It's his mental one.
He seems to be slowly losing his sense of time, days, and just reality in general.
Not all of it, but enough that a phone call to my mom tonight made both of us feel sick (this was not the first of such calls, but it was the first one that I heard).
I could almost feel my blood run cold as I sat here, listening to her end of a conversation that made no sense ...... and heard the fear in her voice as she calmly tried to reassure him that all was well and that she'd see him in the morning.
I felt helpless then and I feel helpless now.
I can understand a little of how she felt when Jim died and she could do nothing to make me feel better, knowing that I'd never again feel "all better".
I don't think this situation is hopeless ...... not at all. But we both think we need to either get him out of that hospital asap, or get him into a private room so that we can be with him 24 hours a day.
If there is no change for the better tomorrow then I'll be canceling my trip to NY.
So I come here again, and ask for your prayers.
Prayers for my mom's strength and patience.
Prayers for D's strength and for clarity.
Prayers for me as I try to support my mom through this.
I hope to give you a positive update tomorrow.
Thanks, Peeps.
8 comments:
Could this be the product of a medication he's on or has this been happening more long term? You always have my prayers.
Yes, get him out of the hospital, and take him home where things are familiar. It is very confusing to older people when all they see are people that they don't know and ceilings. If at all possible, TAKE HIM HOME!!!!
Hi Janine,,,
I just wanted to tell you that they may have him on meds that are making him have these side effects. I've experienced that with my husband, after a heart attack, and it can be a very scary thing for the loved ones that are witnessing it.
Praying that things get better,
Jacquelyn
oh Janine I am so so sorry. I don't know D and his whole medical history, and I am not there to know the specifics but I can tell you this is very very common post anesthesia, especially in an "older" person - which sadly means something like over 60 (which I am approaching rapidly enough I don't like to think of it as "older"). It is also not uncommon for someone on pain meds - which I know you had to fight for to begin with, and lastly not uncommon for someone who is basically in one spot 24 hours a day without a "normal" routine so to speak. Continued prayers my friend, for you, D and your lovely mama. love you. very much.
Janine, Praying for D and your mom and hoping that the fog clears for him and he returns to all of you. Memory issues are a fear for lots of us. Perhaps it is just D's body's response to anesthesia and he will improve as time passes.
Janine, Prayers being said for D and your family. My Dad had this issue too and they called it hospital psychosis. Being in that environment and the medications combined caused it. Once we got him home he was so much better!
I have seen this happen before with knee or hip surgery with older people. I believe it is from anesthesia and
rehab medications.
Janine, sending prayers to you & your Mom. It is very possible to be side effects from drugs. I saw this happen with my Michael - he would hallucinate also, which was a combo of drug side effects and ICU/hospital psychosis, it's very common but freighting as all hell for the family and patient when he learns about it. The hospital actually had an aid stay with him 24/7 (or unless I was there) until this wore off. Terrible times, to this day I still HATE hospitals!! Hugs & Prayers to you !
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