Part of me is very frustrated by this ...... and very sad.
Life moves on. People move on. Groups move on.
I get that.
And I'm ok with that ...... unless I'm trying to make other people happy by being in the right place at the right time.
I guess the lesson is ...... I can't make anyone else happy and so I need to do what's best for me.
I'm heading back to Texas tomorrow ...... and I wish that I felt happier about that.
But today I've been making mental lists of all of the things I'd like to pack up and move here.
I feel so ready to be done there.
I'm sure that the feeling is mutual ...... Texas is ready to be done with me.
:)
In a perfect world ...... hell, in a perfect world Jim would still be alive and this wouldn't be an issue.
We wouldn't even be living in Texas right now if he were still alive.
But he's not, and I am, and and the world is far from perfect.
As am I.
Part of me is really sad about leaving.
But most of me thinks that I could never go back ...... and no one would notice.
Except for my mother.
She'd notice ...... BIG time!
I need to go through my house and list all of the things I need to sell/give to the kids/get rid of. There's so much to do before one sells a house and moves. I'd love to be able to twitch my nose, or fold my arms and blink (now that's dating myself!) and be done with all of that.
I want to stay in one place and while part of me wishes it were there ...... it's not.
I hope that my Texas friends will always be my friends ...... and that they'll come to visit as often as they can.
But I realize that's not possible for everyone. Which makes me grateful for Facebook and other computer magic that helps people stay in touch with each other.
In truth, my heart breaks (yet again) at the thought of leaving the place where it was "Jim and me, and the kids". And the tears flow steadily as I type this.
But there is no more "Jim and me". And the kids are spread all over the place.
I need to make room for "me". And as much as I wish it were there, it is not. It's not the same.
I'm not the same, friends are not the same, places are not the same.
Nor should any of them be the same.
Life moves forward.
And I want ...... and need ...... to move forward with it.
Happy Monday/Tuesday, Peeps.
Thanks for being here.
: )
4 comments:
You deserve to be happy...wherever that takes you. Those who love you,, (and those of us who are stuck with you by blood)will understand and will always stand by you, even if they aren't initially happy about your choices.
All I care about is that you can smile...and that I get to come and see you! I love you muches and bunches!
Your last line says it all... and this will be Texas' loss and NY's gain. But you ARE moving forward, and that is what counts. I feel like your happiness has just been bubbling up between the lines you have blogged and posted. {{Hugs}}
Your last line says it all... and this will be Texas' loss and NY's gain. But you ARE moving forward, and that is what counts. I feel like your happiness has just been bubbling up between the lines you have blogged and posted. {{Hugs}}
lots of love to you my friend - so glad that you are making YOU happy!! I am sure it is not without tears, beautiful warm memories are apt to bring tears- but those memories will be with you no matter where you live. xoxo
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