OK, well, not funny "ha-ha" (unless you're a seriously evil person who delights in the pain of others, and yes, I know there are those kind of people -yuk), but funny, as in "strange": I had the OSU bowl game on yesterday (YAY POKES!) and would walk in and out of the room while it was on (because I, of course, have developed a very serious case of ADD now) and the Cowboys were ahead at one point, 28-10. I saw that score and my first thought was, "I have to tell Jim!". It seems so very strange to me that my mind has still not accepted this "after". I know it's "normal" and will continue for some time, but I still think it's strange.
I wish I could wish all of you a happy New Year, but I can't. Well, I could say, or type, the words (obviously), but they'd be very flat and not heart-felt. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't wish (and someday, hope -- that's not really back yet, either) everyone I know and love a year in which to be happy. It's just that that word is beyond my comprehension right now. I do wish good things for all of you and I wish for you lots and lots and lots of time with your loved ones. Lots.
OK, I refuse to end this on the same note as yesterday (which, by the way, was a very scary day for me -- for a while).
So, I'd like to think that God has a huge TV in Heaven that gets the NFL channel. Because Jim would have been very, very happy with that game. Daughter #1 said that if we're supposed to be happy in Heaven, Jim was indeed watching that game (and NOT singing). :)
On another note that will make you smile: Son #1 passed a HUGE test yesterday. I'm talking monstrously HUGE. He volunteered to go to the grocery store for me. One of the daughters (she will have to "out" herself, in case she's less than thrilled that I added this) thought that she'd see how sincere he really was about going:
Her: "You're going to the store?" (add sly, wicked smile here --- kind of like Jim's)
Him: "Yes. Do you need anything?"
Her: "Why yes, yes I do."
Him: " What?"
Her: "Tampons."
Him: --silence--
Her: "Tampax. Pearl. Regular."
Him: -- looking a bit like a deer in the headlights-but only a bit--"Are you serious?" -- looking from me to her, to me and back to her.
Her: "Yes I am."
Him: --pause-- "OK."
Me: "Son #1, if do this then you are indeed your father's son."
And he did. Without even making a phone call from that aisle to get any clarification at all.
And this week ---- he's teaching Son #2 how to shave.
He will not be able to enter SMU in August w/o me with a death grip on his ankle, dragging behind him, screaming and crying. No way.
I love my kids. So, so much.
And so does Jim.
16 comments:
Funny memory:
Son #1's first year in confirmation was not an easy one. I remember that some of the boys in his/Jim's group and in SW/JW's group were not nice boys at all. Not nice as in constantly ridiculing and being just down right nasty to other kids. I remember walking down a hill towards the cabins to see that Son #1 was storming straight towards me with his bag and pillow in arm.
"Where's my dad? We are so out of here!" he said in a firm yet tearful tone.
"S, what's wrong?" I asked.
He proceeded to tell me how the boys in his cabin were being horrible and that he needed to find Jim immediately so they could leave. He was not going to put up with this for another minute.
I told him that I would be happy to help him find Jim but that I really thought it would be a good idea for them to stay. He said that he needed to talk to Jim because he really thought that Jim would understand the severity of the situation and would want to leave as well.
When we found Jim, he was so calm and told Son #1 that we could never expect those boys to be better people if we didn't stick around to be examples to them. He said that in order to teach people how to be kind we have to actually be kind to them. Son #1 was not happy and, if my memory serves me correctly, said something along the lines of how they could never learn to be nice because they were really mean. If my memory serves me correctly, I agreed, but not out loud.
Son #1 had a great example of how to be a caring, gentle, Godly man, and I think that includes buying tampons without question.
You don't have to post this. It is just a memory that makes me smile and I hope it brings you a smile as well. Even if only a half smile that lasts one second, that's a start.
It was wonderful and it did make me smile. Thank you - so very much.
It was me. And I am not ashamed.
And it wasn't JUST a test. I needed them too!
(But it was mostly a test.)
Hi Janine,
I have been reading your blog every day, and have been praying for you and your family. I have been trying for several days to write you a comment, but struggle to find 5 minutes of uninterrupted time from my kiddos - talk about ADD!! Some accumulating thoughts . . .
* your last blog about the store run is too funny - a true test of a good man!
* Why Kenya? Jim told me a little bit about your experience in Kenya even before I read about it from you. I could tell he was SO proud of you and was excited for you to share your experiences and go back! I think Kenya adds an eternal perspective to this life. There is so much poverty and suffering there; you and other Christians are trying to be Christ to people there . . .allowing them to see better . . . so simple on one level - something we might take for granted, but spiritual on another when it comes to "seeing" the gospel. Bottom line - it's not about here - its about up there. Jim is there, and you will be too, because you both believe. This life is a struggle; I don't think you can ever be "happy" Jim is in heaven and not here, but it is my prayer that you will be comforted in knowing you will be together again praising God in heaven. And comforted by the Spirit that will carry you from here to there with grace, dignity and strength.
* I have a book for you from Cathi and Source for Women. It's called "Same kind of Different as Me" - the authors signed it to you and Jim - they will be the speakers at the next banquet in the spring. I will drop off the book soon. www.samekindofdifferentasme.com/
Thank you so much for all you and Jim have done with the Source - for once again being Christ to those in need.
* Your daughter's tribute to Jim at the memorial was just amazing. She is so eloquent and she really hit the nail on the head as to how Jim affected the community and those around him, especially his family - So many seeds he has planted (and so have YOU!)
Be strong, Janine, but know that we are all here for you as your knees wobble and in times when you grow weary, but God will NEVER let you fall - you are His.
Love, Amanda
. . . and Jim's Legacy Lives On
All three sons are going to be great husbands and fathers one day and it will be because of the example Jim set for them.
I was just thinking of how many more lives will be touched by Jim; three wives, numerous children, their extended families. They will all benefit greatly from Jim's life and his example to his son's.
I had complete confidence that son #1 would pass that test with flying colors.
Love you,
K
Good morning, my darling daughter. I really enjoyed the grocery store thing with son #1. He is so his father's son. You have such a great bunch of kids. I'm very proud that you all are my family,
I'm so glad that Tamara made you smile. That was such a wonderful memory, and so personified the person Jim was. I'm so in awe of him. I hold you all close to my heart, hoping you are gaining comfort from all the prayers going up for you all.
I love you dearly.
The thought of wanting to tell Jim reminds me of Joan Didion in The Year of Magical Thinking when she said she came home from the hospital and felt she needed to "discuss this with John" because she discussed everything with John...and that she would often think he just went out to the store and would be coming home soon. I love the quote from the first chapter: "Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die. . . We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind." Those grieving live in an almost other world, while life seems to just go on. Sorry you had a hard day yesterday. Sending thoughts of light, love, warmth, strength. xoxo
Hey Janine,
I read this every day now and pray for whatever needs praying for right after reading it. I want to piggy-back on what "K" said...lives will be affected and touched in such positive ways, for generations to come, because of how Jim taught his children to love. I have also learned something today from this blog that, sadly, never occurred to me...you can't "teach" love, patience or kindness. You can only "show" it, which in turn "teaches" it. What a punch in the head!
And by the way, I didn't JUST put a dog bone in Kathy's stocking, she also got a used children's medicine seringe, and used foot file and a half a roll of Scotch Tape! Hey, when you have ONE DAY to shop, you have to improvise. But let it be known that she also got a double-heart diamond pendant, so I'm not a TOTAL looser!!
Love ya sis!!
Little Bro
Way to go son#1. You make your Aunt proud. I so enjoyed our time together while I was there. You will make a wonderful Husband and Father. Just like your dad.
I know this isn't his blog but I had to put my two cents in. And to any one readying this blog. I had a drink for you last night. (which translates I had to freekin much to drink!!!!)
I love you sis! I just can't say that enough right now!
You amaze me. Hugs,
MJ
Hi Sis,
I feel the same way as D...I can't seem to tell you how much you're on my mind and how much I love you.
Gosh...I wish I'da had a son who would do errands like that! My girls are jealous:) I had to laugh, because the last time I saw Son #1, he was a little wild-man and I remember thinking that I never wanted boys! As I told you when we talked, I'll always remember Jim as a man with the patience of Job. Any man that could be crammed into a mini-van, traveling across the country with his wife and 5 kids HAS to be a Saint! (and then to have yet another child AFTER that...wow!)
I wish I knew some miracle cure that would ease your terrible pain...I would do anything to take it for you.
You and the kids are really on my heart...and I love you very much.
Just a quick Hello to Sister D, Bro M and your Mom too...please call if there is anything that I can do.
Lis
Ummm...I would like to point out that your three daughters will be amazing spouses and parents someday, too. I think it goes for all six of us because we have two AMAZING examples to look to. We've talked about this before, but we are SOOOOO blessed. And I am very thankful for you both.
I love you a LOT!
Here here daugher #2 You are sooooo correct! All six of you are amazing and blessed to have two wonderful parents. I just hope my two think that some day! When I grow up I want to be like txmomx6 she is my hero! (if I could only look like her too, dang I would have it made!!!)
Son #1!!! I am sooooooooo proud of you!! YOU DA MAN!! Girls will ask (if you are already spoken for)..."I wonder if he has a brother??!!!" BUT...will the brother buy TAMPONS when asked...THAT is the question!!!
You GO!!
Love and miss you bunches!!
Daughter #2, you are so right! I'm sorry I didn't say that in my earlier post, because I was thinking it, and I certianly do know it to be a fact; that all 6 of you are amazing people, you will each, without a doubt, be incredible parents, and spouses! and it goes without saying that it is due to both of your parents and the incredible example they have been for you
Love,
K
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