Last night, for the first time in the "after", I had a dream with Jim in it. But it was him as a ghost (though he looked alive) and we we sitting at a table talking. I don't remember what we talked about. But I remember this: I start crying, really hard, and then asked, "Why did you leave?". He looked sad and hurt and then I woke up.
It seems very strange that it's taken almost 3 weeks for me to dream about him.
Well, we went to church today -- another step taken. We arrived a bit late and left a bit early. The sermon was great -- thanks B.W. He made me smile. The songs made me cry. And I totally broke down when I attempted to sign the little registration card. I just couldn't write my name down without his beside it. So Daughter #2 took it and did it for me. See, it's the little things. The little things that slam you in the head and heart like very big things.
I hope today is a relatively "good" day. The sun is shining and it's in the mid-70's. I need some "good" today because I imagine that tomorrow will be very, very difficult.
9 comments:
It was GOOD to see all of you at church today. I was so proud of the boys for coming to YESS. We will be praying for all of you tomorrow as well as Jim's parents and siblings and friends. What an empty space he has left in so many lives-that is one of the hardest things to understand is why this huge emptiness.
Love you all,
Natalie
Thanks to daughter #2. I've received the registration worship cards for for over 13 years and input them into Shelby. I started crying with relief that Janine was signed in with L K S P C. I did notice it looked like one of the daughter's handwriting. Interesting things you learn about people through a simple card over 13 years. I grabbed the card held it to my heart. Again, thank you daughter #2.
I looked on my calander today and there it was. Bam like a slap in the face. I will be praying for you chicky! I love you so so much and can't wait til I can come back and see you and the kids.
Hi Janine... let's go to Rico's and drink margaritas and cry for awhile. I miss you and I'm serious. Today is my mom's birthday...email me or call me, I don't have your phone number or I would call you...Jennifer
Love you.
K
This whole ordeal SUCKS!!!!
I love you!
Little Bro
(So I'm no good with words)
Hi my darling daughter,
I know tomorrow is going to be hard, but please try to spend the day with friends around you. I'm sure they will make sure this happens, but I still need to encourage you to be around people tomorrow. I talked to Mom today, and she said she had called you. Just another in the many that love you dearly. You know how special she thinks you are. I just talked to Vickie and she said she would be coming down the Saturday before I come. I'm glad she's able to do that. I'm really greatful for all the friends you have around you, and for all those that are away as well. We WILL get you through this. I love you and love you and love you. You will be on my mind all day tomorrow. As if that will be any different from any other day! You're always foremost in my mind and heart. Not that I don't love you also, Dawn & Michael! But you know what Dawn always says...;)
Take care of yourself, Janine, and hug the kids for me.
Janine, I too can't wait to read each new entry in your blog. The thought came to me that all of these entries would make an incredible book and inspiration for others. Let's just not call it a survival book! or maybe we should?! It was great to see all of you in church today. I cover all of you in my prayers daily. God and time will heal your pain.
Marilyn
I knew it!!!!!! See, I told you so! But hey what is not to love????? I love you more than me too. LOL I'm kidding! I hope that I got a smile from someone. It's so funny how everyone knows me and know's what I'm thinking. I love you Janine, Mom and Michael.
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