Today was a relatively good day. M and I won our tennis match. The weather was gorgeous. Our team went to lunch together. Other than the constant dizziness, I feel good. My MRI is scheduled for Thursday afternoon. So it'll be another week before I know anything.This is my song for today. It was on the radio when I got in the car this morning. It would seem that God speaks to me each day through my car radio with a different song. It's Mountains of God, by Third Day.
Thought that I was all alone, broken and failed
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know that I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
Til You opened my eyes, I'd never know
That I couldn't ever make it without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through, now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road that You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found that You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time, I lose my way
But You are always there to bring me back again
Sometimes, I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare with what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know that I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
Til You opened my eyes, I'd never know
That I couldn't ever make it without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through, now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road that You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found that You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time, I lose my way
But You are always there to bring me back again
Sometimes, I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare with what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
He is here with me.
4 comments:
Doesn't surprise me that God is talking through your radio. Seems even when I'm having a temper tantrum trying to plug my ears He finds a way to talk to me - my "ER" episodes. BTW, thank you.
Love,
M
Awesome song!
Al
Your prayer in staff meeting was heartfelt. I love to see the healing signs in your blog. You are still in my prayers each day. jog
Hi - I am so glad that you are starting to be able to hear God again. I have never met you personally - My first awareness of you was when you shared your Kenya testimony at the Christmas Tea. I loved your passion and the way God changed your life brought me to tears. During this time I had been suffering from post pardum depression and was finally starting to feel like my self. I can recall the first connection I made with "Kelly" and I said to myself I want to go on a mission trip. I thought where did that come from??!! I remembered that in my early 20's it was a dream of mine to go. I was so excited - fist because I felt as if a long lost friend had returned - I knew I was turning the corner in my depression and secondly because I knew it was not just a considence that I had just heard your testimony and the first thought God gave me after the cloud of depression lifted was about missions! I think it was the following Sunday that there was an announcement in the bulliten looking for people who wanted to experiance the upcoming mission trips. This was confirmation for me! I thought to myself, how in the world can I go to Africa with two toddlers? When I mentioned all that had happened my husband looked at me like I was crazy. I decided then I was going to give you a call. Even if this wasnt the exact time God would allow me to go, I figured I should just share what happened so we could all pray about it. Then your world turned upside down. I have been praying for you and I read your blog daily. My heart breaks for you. I felt much sorrow when I would read your struggles with God. Bear with me here...I was so concerned that you were going to loose your faith. I wondered why God showed you to me. I felt disappointed that my "mission mentor" was angry with God. I feel so silly telling you all of this and we have never met, but Ill continue :) I actually prayed about this and talked with a friend - (just generally) about what was going on. I told her it scared me a little because I never wanted to be in as much pain as you are and I was concerned about not being able to connect with God during a time I need him most. (Once you turn the bend and He gives you his revelation, can you please share with me why God allowed you to think He was not there?) God spoke through my friend and said God is big. He is bigger than all of our anger and rebellion. Wow! I was immediately filled with peace. I was also convicted of all the times I have been angry with God. But God patiently waits on us, and when we are done and return to Him, he does not shame or scold us, but He embraces us and says welcome back my sweet child.
The point of all of this is that I know what it is like to feel abandoned by God. I can remember sobbing because I wanted to have a relationship with him and it was so hard. But God does LOVE you and He is providing His goodness for you and your children. He will never leave you.
I also wanted to share an Easter reflection I shared with my family and friends.
I wondered if you have come to a place where you have been able to imagine what it might have been like for Jim to touch the face of God.
He is risen and so we can know there is eternal life though him!!
Today as I sat in church I was left wondering who really understands the deep love of that promise.
I remember when those were just words...my distorted human thinking left me with some undesirably thoughts on what spending eternal life with Jesus would really be like.
I imagined my first day to Heaven "judgement day" as chaos...millions of people, crowds, confusion, and in the distance I can see Jesus, (kinda like being in the nose bleed section at a concert) I could see him, but in my thoughts I was left feeling a longing to touch him and meet him personally. Then the next scene is me standing, waiting...for my turn to stand in front of God to be judged. I hate waiting in lines!! The scene kinda plays out like being in traffic court...Heaven just didnt sound fun to me. and this is just one of the many distortions I had of God's love. I didnt trust that God's plan for me is far better than I could ever imagine. I willHnot be left behind in a sea of people. When I open my eyes, He will be right there. He will respond by saying "Kelly, I have been waiting for you since before you even looked my way". I will touch his face and he will put a crown on my head and the robe of righteousness on my shoulders. I will be washed clean and be worthy to enter through the gates of Heaven to meet my Father God.
What does Heaven look like to you? Do you have any hidden distortions of God's love?
After I tried everything else, to calm my restlessness and longing I turned to a lady, who I hardly knew at Church and asked for help. Help to know God, help to strengthen my marriage, help to raise my kids, and help to leave this world a better place. When I couldn't even pray for myself, her and many others prayed that I may come to know Jesus on a personal level. That I may trust the goodness and blessings that he has for me and that I may feel his love. It came a little at a time. Now looking back over the year of my journey - those words truly mean something to me. They bring peace and joy to my heart.
There are people in this world that are hurting and in despair. Some don't even recognize it because they are used to accepting less than God's best, and some think they are living the best, but are living a slave to what this world can give them- some of these people are in our family, some are friends, neighbors, and some even leaders of our Churches. This Easter and everyday my prayer is that they too will be broken and come to know personal relationship with our Savior. Trusting that He will make all things right if we surrender to His will; So that we may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen!
What would it look like for you to be reasonably happy in this life?
Can you even imagine what it would be like to be Supremely happy with Him?
I hope you all have a blessed day.
I sent this to my whole address book! That is how strongly I feel!!! I hope you all remember me :)
With Love,
Kelly
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