I'm in Okla (after a 2 hour flight delay)-- had fun with 3 of my kids and V's family walking all over campus.
Saw my dad today and he felt better after seeing the pulmanologist. The dr thnks he can't breathe due to an infection, but didnt
put him on antibiotics and is waiting a week to do a biopsy. But I felt better getting to see him.
You all have done a great job with your answers and opinions. I'm proud of you!
I didn't give you my thoughts,which are not far from most of yours. After 10 months I believe it is what it is.
The world is full of crap and it spills over onto us. It's not God's will but it happens. And who am I to think it should
happen to someone else, but not me? I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone, so I deal with it. And maybe that's the test -- how I choose to deal with it. Some days better than others.
Anyway, please keep giving me your thoughts.
Tomorrow we go to the OSU/Baylor game.
GO COWBOYS!!
..... I am tired.
I'm not sure what to write .....
I had a great evening with some of the ladies from my "Circle". It's so nice to talk to one another and know that we are "sane", whatever that means. One of the women has to work with people who think she's crazy. All because she'd rather not be here. If given a choice, she would choose to be with her husband. Well, lock me up. Lock the rest of us up, too. All I can say is that it's a good thing we're not given a choice. I will never fear death the way I used to. Probably the way most people do. I look forward to it. That doesn't mean I'm going to off myself. I'm not. But please don't shed one single tear for me the day that it does happen. OK, be sad for my children, but don't ever waste one breath being sad for me. I will NOT be sad. And that's where my friend is .... only she's only been at this for 3 months, so she's now out of the numb part and into the "this really IS my life now and it sucks" part. I can see that the days get better. She cannot. But she will not hurt herself either. She just welcomes the idea of death.
And that's perfectly OK and normal. I may have to go to her work place and slap some people around.
So that part of my evening was good. That part of my week is always good.
But while I was on my way to dinner I found out that someone I love very much is sick. Maybe seriously sick.
And I am too mentally exhausted to write anything else here. I just found out. I called the person in charge of our prayer team and that's all I had time for.
I won't go into any more details because I simply cannot. Just pray. Please.
And I'm going to seriously consider moving to Iceland, where I know no one, nor love anyone so that maybe God will leave the people in my life alone.
Son #3 and I are flying to Tulsa tomorrow. OSU plays in their 100th Homecoming on Saturday against the Baylor Bears.
Two of my darling daughters are also coming for the game. It's a weekend that I've been looking forward to for quite some time.
I guess God doesn't really want me looking forward to anything .... at the moment. At most moments for the last 10 months.
The 18th is Saturday. I probably won't be posting.
I'm going to think of a question to leave you all ....... and because of my mood, it's probably going to be dark ...... and deep.
............... OK, be bold and brave. I can take it. Heck, I can take anything now:
So what's the deal? What's your opionion? Is God trying to teach me something? Because I'm thinking that I'm mentally challenged in a HUGE way and I must not be getting the lesson!
Or do you think it's just a roll of the dice and I'm just overly-lucky this year?
Or could He be trying to reach someone else through me? Cuz if that's it I may have to find out who that is and go slap them. And tell them to wake up and pay attention!
Or is it just what it is?
Good grief, I'm not sure which choice is more depressing! If you have a different opinion, please give it.
I'm done. Stick a fork in me.
Please.
20 comments:
Hi Janine,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with the illness of a loved one.
As far as your question...my personal opinion is that it just is what it is. We live in a world full of sin & sickness & bad things happening to people everywhere, everyday. Not that life is all bad. I don't mean that.
I just don't think that God says, Hey, I'll let so & so go through xxx horrific events, and won't that teach them so much about Me? I think more that life happens, and God can let great things happen because of the bad things. There's a difference.
When Abigail died 13 years ago...there's no way I could have seen the good that has come out of it. The family that we'd be blessed with. The people I've been able to talk to who were experiencing their own loss--who hopefully I've shown hope to. But you don't see that while you're in the hard time. You only see it afterward.
This probably isn't much help, and it's ridiculously long, so I'll end here. Have a safe trip to the game.
Amanda
Oh no...I wont be suckered into answering this trick question!
Sis, there just is no good answer. I'm sorry. I can't even begin to understand why God has given you so much to deal with this year. I've always heard that God never gives you more than you can handle...but sometimes I have a seriously hard time believing that.
I love you so much...and I'm thinking about you constantly. You're on my heart every day.
Lis
Lis, You are a Wuss!!!
By the way, I don't believe that God says that in that well-cited verse. I think it's mis-quoted and mis-used.
But then that's just my opinion.
For what it's worth.
I don't know exactly what that bible verse says, but I can say that I wish He didn't trust you so much!::))
Okay, I admit to being a wuss...but I'm a wuss who loves her sister!
(See how I got around that one?)
LOVE YOU!!!
Lis
Hi J,
I agree with Amanda. It is what it is. I believe that God created a perfect world that was corrupted by sin. And I believe God wants to support us through all the bad stuff the world throws at us. Which takes you back to prayer. I mean you support your kids through their hard times. You don't go stirring up trouble for them. You give them the tools they need to grow up as caring, responsible adults. It's up to them to use them. I've been thinking about this for a while. You were asking why Kenya, why now a while back. To me it was kind of like God saying, take this, it may help you.
I better hit the hay!
Love,
A
I don't know what to say...just everyone pray, very very hard for us at this time.
Little Bro
Well I would have to say at first I thought there might be a lesson to be learned somewhere in all the crap that has been happening but then I have come to the conclusion that it freekin is what it freekin is! Crap just happens and there is NOTHING we can do about it. When we got off the phone lastnight, I called little bro and he told me not to be upset because that does no good. There is nothing we can do because what is...is. We can't change it. And I have to agree. We don't have to like it but it is what it is.
Have fun with D2&3 and S3 and GO POKES!!! I will talk to you soon! Love you tons!
It is what it is. What YOU do with what is, how YOU handle what is, when YOU deal with what is answers all the other questions. YOU are the answer for your own "what is".
love, lori
Hope you have a great week end. I don't really know what the answer to your question is. I do know that you will come through all of this, you are not alone. He is there and you have a big family that loves you and great friends. I know they don't do you any good in the dark when you are alone, but He is there and you can cling to Him, He can take whatever you dish out. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I heard this song on the radio and it made me think of you. Have a great weekend in Stillwater.
Kris
I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free
(Chorus)
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
No don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for his hands
And one day They'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally free
Finally free
(Chorus)
I wish you were here, I wish you were here
And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
(Chorus)
We'll run with the angels on streets made of gold
We'll listen to stories of saints new and old
We'll worship our maker that's where we'll be
When you finally find me
I wish you were here
You do not have to post this, I just wanted to write you again. I checked and the Bible does not say that He will not give you any more than you can bear. It does say that when we are tempted, He will not give you more than you can bear in the temptation and will provide a way of escape of the temptation. From my limited experience and alot of things happening to me one after one, I found that I couldn't bear it alone, but He was there right with me helping me to bear whatever the next thing was. I found myself turning to Him more and more and leaning on Him really hard. I have not faced what you have faced but I have had different things to hit me on a pretty regular basis. I did find that He was right there and never left me as soon as I turned to Him. This is long and I will more than understand if you don't post it. I just wanted to give you what He put on my heart for you. I pray this week end will be much better than you anticpated with the date being the 18th. I am a stranger and everyone else who posts knows you personally, but I do care because He cares through me. That may seem strange but I know it's true.
Mary Lou,
Funny, but you don't seem like a stranger at all.
Thanks for caring. And for always having encouraging words.
:)
kris,
Thanks -- great song.
i am so askin' those same questions!!! it's so bizarrely-comforting to find that we aren't the only one asking our questions!! i'm still workin' on the answers. let me know when you discover some. :)
I am commenting a tad late, but here's my very heathen take on things-while I believe there is something "next" after this life, I do not presume to know what it is. I do not believe in anything that answers prayer( what-some of us didn't pray hard enough?)nor do I believe in a puppet-master like being who has your name on a naughty or nice list.
It is what it is. Sometimes people do indeed get more than they can bear, and they crumble.
Life has its moments of yin and yang, up and down. good and bad. It's kind of like a bell curve-the outliers get ALL or nothing, and the majority get a bit of each.
I think it is very presumptuous to say that some supernatural being has hand picked YOU from the six billion on earth in order to teach you something or have you teach others.
I have buried a child, a parent and now a spouse-my soulmate, best friend, the absolute man of my dreams.
There is nothing I believe in any more, except the way death teaches us about life.
That is a really hard one. I was going to ask if you've read CS Lewis' The Problem of Pain? I haven't in a long time now, but he addresses the question of why such horrible things happen in the world, both to humans and to animals. Theologically he actually says that understanding why animals suffer is the harder question, interestingly enough. But I don't know why. Anyway, I can't say his answer about people either, because I don't remember! But I know he's brilliant and wise. I tend to think that (and I've heard this before so it's not my idea) that we should be asking not why does all this bad stuff happen, but why does good happen in such a sinful, corrupt, fallen world, but people rarely ask that question. It is not an easy question to ask (or believe?) when we're in extreme pain and suffering, or hurting for others. I think it's one thing to "count our blessings" but it's another to LIVE being thankful from our hearts, every day for our blessings, to truly embrace it and live it inside out. I'm not there. I want to be there, and I pray that I can be there one day. And I don't know if this makes any sense, but I was thinking (inspired by your poverty post and my own I did) that sometimes to see the genuine smile in a child's eyes (or an adult's for that matter) from an impoverished nation - an orphan or someone who has seen extreme suffering and they are just so grateful, well I don't know, but I know you know, it just changes you. Have you gone back and looked at your AFrica pics at all? Remember the pic of that one old lady with the one tooth? There is just something in her eyes, she is so connected to God it seems like. And that connection between two human spirits - that twinkle in the eyes- that is love. And that is what I believe God has us here for, to share that love and to teach others about it. And I'm not saying I mean you should go back to Africa. ;) I mean we can have that connection between two people here where we are too. Anytime there is genuine compassion and love, imperfect though it is, that's why we're here. And I believe we're here to give that love to one another as best we can, in whatever way God reveals to us. And all the rest, all the pain and suffering and toil and stress, it will fall away in time. After we leave this world.
You know, i feel the same way sometimes. This was a crappy week for me too - my dear little cousin who is 9 had a brain tumor and had to have emergency surgery on tuesday. THANK GOD the path tests came back negative and his family has a great attitude. That's after another cousin was diagonsed with cancer...she's three. Those are just a few of what I think of 50 things that have happened to me in the past few years that makes me wonder why I was chosen to go through all of these things. All I can say is that I know God has a reason - although for the life of me I don't know what it could be. But one day I will know why - and i will be thankful when i realize what it is. But for now, it sucks and it is hurtful. i totally understand where you are coming from - but probably on a little different of a level. just hang in there. Know that everyone loves you and just wants to hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay.
I have been told that God allows us to go through tough times so that we can be used to help build his Kindom. I think that God is big enough to find a better way so I don't believe that excuse. I have also been told that God allows us to suffer to teach us something that he would not have otherwise been able to teach us. Again, he'a really big GOD! He can find another way.
I agree with Wendee in that we should question more often the good things in life. The more I live, the more suffering I see in the lives of others. All different levels of suffering, but suffering none the less. We always question why the crap has to fall, and we seem shocked when it does. I, personally, am no longer shocked by it. I am more shocked when I see good. It is much more rare. I long, long, long for the day when we see no more suffering and no more crap.
Oh, yeah, will you teach me to growl? I have a lady coming Monday for one on one lessons with Frank. She told me that my guarantee would come in how much time I am willing to put into training him. I'm thinking she doesn't growl.
I forgot to mention that CS Lewis' wife died of cancer (I think) so when he wrote that book he grappled with the same questions & stuff.the story of how they met is interesting, she was a fan of his writing & it took him a long time to actually start seeing her in a dating way, & then hed found his soul mate, then she died not too very much later. This is all from memory & I'm probably messing up some details but that's how I remember it. Wendee
I read this poem and thought of you. I don't know why, but I did. And I thought it was a beautiful poem!
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
(Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy)
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