The Dish guy made me cry (and more Q & A)

Yes, the Dish guy did indeed make me cry today.  This was the 3rd or 4th time in less than a month that I've called Dish.  The first time was because I needed one of the receivers switched out for an HD for the new TV.  The second time was because when the first guy came out he told me I already had an HD receiver.  He proved to be wrong.  

The 2nd guy came out to, again, switch to an HD receiver.  He came quite late in the day, took one look around, and informed me that my house was not able to get HD from the satellite.  And then he left.  I think he just wanted to go home.

The next guy came out after I called for a 2nd opinion.  He gave me an HD receiver and, surprise to no one, I get HD.  

Today I called them to upgrade to the HD package that INCLUDES ESPN.  Can you believe it?  I have to pay extra so that my football-loving son #3 can watch ESPN in HD.  He shall pay the difference.

Anyway, every -- single -- time that I called DISH, this was the first question they asked me, "Did you know that your husband's name is on the account so he has to authorize this?"

I informed DISH person #1 that my husband had died.  She was very sorry.  Here's the conversation that ensued:

Her: " I'm so sorry for your loss." (note to readers:  I have realized, over the past 10 months, that this is the standard line for any person to whom you pay money.  It must be something they include during the training week).

Me:  "Thank you.  As you can see, he's not here now to authorize anything .... besides, I'm the one who started this DISH account and I'm the one who's had things changed "before" .... ALWAYS without someone asking me to have my husband authorize things."

Her:  "Well, you must have put the account in his name, so he's the one in charge."

Me:  "Well, it's a bit hard for him to be in charge now."

Her:  "Yes, ma'am, I understand."

Me:  "So I guess I need to have his name removed from the account and mine put on?"

Her:  "We can't do that."

Me:  "What?!"

Her:  "We can't change names on accounts."

Me:  "Even though he's DEAD?!"

Her:  "Yes, Ma'am."

Me:  ..... after a very long pause .... "Sooooooo, what do I do to get my name on this account?"

Her:  "Well, we can change the name on the billing, but we can't change the name on the account.  If you want it to be in your name then you need to close this account and open a new one."

Me:  "Are you kidding?  Rather than just delete a name on your computer, it would be easier for you to open a new account?!"

Her:  "Yes, ma'am.  That's how we do it."

Me:  "Never mind.  Just put the billing in my name.  But please do me a favor and put a note on the account that he's no longer living, so he can't authorize anything, OK?"

Her:  "Yes, ma'am, I can do that."

And so the next time I called .... the same thing happened.

And the next time.

And the next time.

Late today I called to ask about the upgrade.  The DISH guy said, "Can I get your husband to authorize this please?"

Well, he was the DISH person to break the camel's back ..... poor, unsuspecting man.

Me:  "NO, you canNOT get him to authorize this because he's been DEAD for almost a year!!  This is the 4th time I've called you people and you're supposed to know NOT to ask me about my husband!!!  Is there any way to get this taken care of so I don't have to discuss my husband with you anymore?!" ---- and all of this was said through tears.

Him:  "Ummmmm, well, ma'am ............."

Me:  "I have made quite a few changes to our account, several in the past month, so I'M the one who as the authority on this account.  He canNOT!"

Him:  "Well, ma'am .... it's his name on the account."

Me:  "Yes, I know that.  That's because your company won't change the name when someone dies and I didn't want to go through the trouble of opening a brand new account.  I just want someone to make a note on my file or whatever that says, "STOP asking her about her deceased husband!"

Him:  "Yes, ma'am, I see that you have made some changes to the account.  I guess I can go ahead and change this."

And so he did.  And when he was done he asked:

"Have I done everything to your satisfaction, ma'am?"

Me:  "Can you please put a note on my account so that this doesn't happen again?"

Him:  "Ummmm, I don't think I can, ma'am."

Me:  "Really?  So I just have to go through this every time I call?"

Him:  "I guess so."

I might add that he never once said, "I'm sorry for your loss" .... or "I'm sorry for ........" anything.

I can't believe the DISH guy made me cry.  

He probably can't, either.

I had a couple of questions today.  It seems as if the parenting questions are quite popular!

My sister asked another question (a REAL one this time):
I wish I could be more like you! I feel since I am a stay at home mom that it's my duty to clean the kitchen, do the laundry, get the kids up and so on. Am I wrong to feel it's my responsiblity? If so HELP!!!!!!!


D --
I would not say that you're wrong, I'd say that you're most likely normal but falling into the SAHM trap.
Look at it this way ... if you are the only one doing everything ... what are you teaching them? Will they know how to clean, cook, do laundry, etc? It's not your job to be their slave. That is not the role for us as mothers. It's to train them how to do it so that they can be independent, successful adults. Successful, as in being adept at whatever it is they choose to do. If we don't allow them to be responsible and adept around the home, how can we expect they'll just know how to "do it" when they leave?
They can always blame you for NOT teaching them how to do things, but they can't do anything but thank you when you have.

L asks:
If its not too late I have a question from one of the mom's at S's pre school. They have 3 boys......4 1/2, 3 and 10 mos. Yes...they have been busy! Well, son # 1 has always been a good sleeper but son # 2 keeps getting up at 4 - 5 AM and won't go back to sleep. He makes so much noise if they ignore him that he ends up waking the baby and then son # 1 and....then everyone is up. She is exhausted and nothing seems to work. They have even checked their sprinklers to make sure they aren't going off too early. Did you ever have this problem?
L
P.S. I love the parenting tips....we need ALL the help we can get!

Thanks, L.

No, I never had this problem.  God gave each of my children the innate knowledge that Mommy needs her sleep.  Truly .... that's the only way I can account for it. They instinctively knew that if Mommy gets up too early, everyone has a bad day.

When they were old enough to get up quietly on their own .... around 3 or 4, they just went into the living room and turned on Sesame Street.  

This is one area where I'd try the positive reinforcements.  Maybe he gets a sticker for every morning that he stays quietly in his room.  I wouldn't force him to stay in bed, but let him read or play quietly.  Leave him a few books by his bed or a quiet toy, or crayons and paper.  Even a DVD player with headphones might work.  Tell him that he can be awake but he can, under no circumstances, wake up anyone in the house.  Then, as he collects the stickers, give him a reward.  I would start with only 1 or 2 stickers and then extend it over time.  At 3 it would be great if he could do this for 1 morning.  And then 2, etc.

If this doesn't work (and hopefully it will) then I'd try taking away something that he enjoys during the day.  If he always watches a certain TV show I'd tell him that morning, at 5:00 a.m. or whatever ungodly time he awakes, that if he can't stay quietly in his room he can't watch that show later in the day.  Or he can't play with a certain toy or do a certain activity.  Whatever will get his attention and make him think.  But he has to know this ahead of time, too.  Tell him the night before what the consequences will be so that he'll know.  Always let them know ahead of time what the consequences will be.

I have to tell you that I love answering parenting questions.  I wish I had known someone when my children were young who had told me, "Sometimes this motherhood thing is very, very difficult.  Sometimes you will NOT like it.  Heck, sometimes you will NOT like your children!  You'll always love them, but you won't always like them.  And THAT'S OK!!  It's totally normal and it does NOT mean that you are a bad mom.  It means that you're just like every other mom.  Even the ones who pretend to always love it."

This is not to say that I haven't loved it.  I have and I wouldn't trade being a mom, or any of my children (though I'd have to really think about it) for anything.  My children are part of Jim ..... the best parts.  When I see them, I see him.  

OK, I'm crying again.

It must be all of the talk about the DISH guy.

P.S.  George has been in the vet hospital since Monday.  He seems to be a bit better but we still aren't sure what's wrong with him.  He's still sick and they're still running tests.  And so I may be about to have a dilemma ..... how much is a pet worth?  A horrible question for many people, but a very realistic one, I think.

If I could know that, in the end, he will be OK then I can put up with a lot.  But if this continues for a long time with no certainty of how it will end ........

I know ..... I'm a mean mom and a horrible pet owner.  But .... a realistic one.

I have lost a husband ..... need I say more?