Today was a very nice Sunday. The four of us went to church and it was a good service. We went out to lunch and then headed back to the house to change clothes and get my stuff packed into the car.
Oh ... and after church Son #1 gave us ( A & M and me) a very informative tour of the campus. It was a nice day to walk around there .... it's one of the most beautiful campuses I've seen (outide of OSU's, of course). And on that note ..... GO POKES!!!! Great game yesterday!!!!!
But I digress. So .... we hit the road for a quiet trip back home.
I walked in around 6:45 and the Sons said hi and then left for a youth event at church and my Mom left to go back home.
So there were many "his and byes" flying around and suddenly .... it was just me and the horse/dog.
It feels good to be home, which is something.
It feels good to feel blessed ...... which is REALLY something:
My kids may not always be easy, but who's are? They are healthy, intelligent and capable of doing many things with their lives. It's their choice ..... my job of teaching, guiding and molding is mostly done. My job of loving, supporting and letting go will never be done. But they are good people and the decisions they will be making are theirs to make. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Every day.
My family supports and love me .... in spite of me. I love them all so much, even though I don't always tell them that, even though I don't call enough. They are always there for me.
And my newer family members are an amazing source of infinite love and support. I don't get it, but I guess I don't have to. All I know is that they energize me and fill me with love, peace and support. And laughter.
My friends are ....... well, there are no words for what they are and what they mean to me ... and how much they've been there for me. On all levels ..... whether they pray for me, or whether they've stayed the night or brought food for me ..... without expecting me to "pay them back".
God is teaching me new things through the book "Boundaries" and another one entitled, "Safe People". I have a lot to learn about these issues ..... and how much things shifted for me when Jim died. It's time to do some re-shifting ... and take care of me, my kids (as much as I can) and not worry about pleasing anyone but God.
I know I've disappointed a few people by not being what or who they wanted or needed, but thanks to these books, a great therapist, supportive family and friends ..... and a very patient God, I'm learning to let go. Some things .... some people, I've had to let go of completely. Some I've just had to step back from for a bit ..... but hopefully for just a bit as we both are learning more about our boundaries.
So God is blessing me even through these difficult decisions. I read a quote today that reminded me of this ...... "No rain, no rainbows." I've had a monsoon or 50, but I've also had quite a few rainbows. And I love rainbows.
So today I am enjoying a rainbow. I have no idea when the next storm will hit and bring waves with it, but until then, I will watch the rainbow and not take it for granted.
Good night, Peeps.
Have a good Labor Day.
: )
6 comments:
As I read your entry these words came to mind:
"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God" Psalm 42:6.
Al
You sounded so at peace in your writing of this post. It appears to me that you are getting a handle on "things". None of us ever have it all together, it just struck me as I read it that you were peaceful and going forward one step at a time. May He continue to meet you each day and strengthen you.
I think you have made a huge leap. You made it thru the weekend which hasn't been easy for you in the past and you saw a rainbow at the end of it. What a perfect labor day story to remind us what hard work grief is, and how much more brilliantly we see the colors of the rainbow when we have a reprieve (no matter how short lived or how lengthy) from that hard work.
Way to go Janine.
Luanne
Preach on Sister. Beautiful.
connie
Yes, Dear Janine, you only have to please GOD...try to keep that thought always in front of you...He will lead you through all of every thing...He does love you...I am keeping you in my prayers.
I'm catching up on reading your blog - hadn't read it since last Friday, so that's why this comment is a little late. You've been on my mind quite a big, as I also have a teenager and can relate to the ups and downs. I had just read something over the weekend about the book Boundaries, and then you mentioned it also - it sounds wonderful - maybe you could share a bit more about it?
As for those who are judgemental - just don't listen to them. I can' imagine losing my spouse, and I think the grieving process is very different for everyone - there is no one right way. I agree with your therapist also - the first year you were in shock, and now the real grieving begins. I think you are doing wonderful!
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