Come Take the Dare To Live Fully
How can you resist this? Can you? I couldn't.
And I'm glad.
I got home last night from the retreat and had a great time. All of the worship/learning time was amazing (can I just say that I have fallen in love with Priscilla Shirer?! So much so that I have signed up to go to Deeper Still this summer to learn more from her and the other women.)
I.
Can't.
Wait!
Back to the retreat .... I went down a zip line.
It was fabulous!
Well, except for the part where I had to make my body leave the platform. That's pretty hard when you're body is saying, "Are you freaking kidding me???? You want to step off into mid air ---- way HIGH UP mid air?!! I don't think so!" Once you can make your mind shut out the death-scream of your body .... it's fabulous!
I met some wonderful new women.
And, for the first time since Jim died, I spoke in front of a group about that.
I've spoken in front of groups many times.
I've spoken in front of groups since Jim died, but not about him.
No way.
Before he died I spoke on topics like parenting, marriage, Africa, God's lessons in my life, overcoming tragedies that we had experienced, etc.
Since he died I've spoken about some of those things. But not about marriage. And not about him dying.
But last night God gave me the words that He wanted me to say.
They weren't mine. I would have preferred to say nothing.
To not cry in front of a group of 40 plus people.
But I obeyed .... because I had told Him that I would.
If He called.
And I survived.
And cried.
But at least I wasn't the only one crying.
God kept it short.
Thankfully.
But I guess they were the words someone needed to hear.
So ..... something that I knew I'd probably face sometime in the distant future ..... has been faced.
And survived.
God is good.
All the time.
Now I have to get back to laundry, bill-paying, packing, writing lists for the boys, and watching the taped men's Australian Open final (no, I do NOT know who won yet!!! I just finished the women's .... yay Kim!!!!!!).
:)
My question for you is easy .... and I'm hoping that most, if not all, of you lurkers will come out from lurkdom and post.
Here it is:
How long have you been reading my blog? Were you reading it before Jim died?
If you haven't been reading since Jim died, did you go back and start from the beginning or from the day he died?
Yes, I know that that is technically more than one question, but I have all of the confidence in the world in you .... you can do it!
So .... discuss amongst yourselves ....
Have a great week, Peeps .... I'll try to drop in from South Carolina when I get a chance.
:)
18 comments:
I've been reading it since you first sent me the link, since we "found" each other again on IM. :)
I'm going to Tulsa in late March, any chance you'll be there, too?
Gail
Hi Janine,
I honestly can't remember when I started reading your blog. All I know is I never stopped. Yes, I have gone back to the beginning. But I still have not read every page. I felt like a stalking voyeur at times... because your pain is so real and vivid across the page and I was a powerless stranger who could offer no words of comfort.
I see your strength. One foot forward and one step at a time. Your love of God, family and friends shines through. I do not know the same God as you but I have faith that the spirituality we share can pull us all through the blackest of times.
I am happy for you and where you are today. Maybe not your choice to be 'here' but you persevered when others would have given up.
Thanks always for sharing,
Roma
I'm not really a lurker, I've commented before. I started reading shortly before Jim died and have kept up with you ever since. You have blessed me over and over with your transparency. I've "watched" you grow and change. God has used you to show me how to treat my husband while we are still here and how to deal with it when he goes, assuming he goes first. He is six years older, so there is a chance of that. we have been married almost 42 years and you have taught me, you truly have..on how to cherish the now and how to not take things for granted. To live each day for itself and not to project too far into the future. He has taught me all of that through your example. I am reading One thousand gifts on your recommendation and loving it, thank you....blessings on your week.
I've been reading since a little after my Jim died on Jan 7, 2009 (your Jim's birthday). So about 2 years. And yes, once I found you, I did go back and read from the beginning, especially to see what your 1st year experiences were. You are about a year ahead of me on this journey and I think relatively close to my age (I will be 50 this year) - and the words and emotions you expressed on your blog were so very close to my own. Your blog gave me hope that if you could walk through this, that I would be able to walk through this also. Thanks for being here and sharing your journey with us!
I have been reading for about a year and comment from time to time. Hmmm...I cannot remember how I found your blog but I think somehow through Soaring Spirits?? Gosh, hope I can remember... It's hard to say because at that date in time I was fiercely searching the web for any comfort I could find and hence have found several other blogs that offer solace and peace as well; also continue to read those today, too.
I did go back to the time when your husband died because I had to know what happened and the details. I have not read all the way from that point, but have kept up with your regular entries from the point in time that I first found your blog. Your blog helped me the most because you had children. I drew strength (and still do) to see that you ALL were surviving so well considering the horrid shock of your husband's sudden death. (Please know I do not take lightly all you have been through in the process) My husband was ill for many years with the last months so horribly traumatic. I thought I was more prepared than someone that loses their spouse suddenly. However, as time passes I am not sure of that: I have learned the passing in itself is ultimately devastating, just different for each circumstance.
But back to you and your children...My fears were lessoned to know if you could do such a terrific job at regaining life with SIX children (of that-THREE boys), I should surely be able to conquer single-parenthood with just one BOY, my son. God Bless you for helping us all.
Hi Janine, I have been reading your blog for about 2 years. I found it through a link on another blog. I went back to the beginning to ready the whole story and have been following you ever since. I have a husband and two teenage boys. My husband's best friend died at 42 of an arotic disection leaving a wife (our friend) and two young daughters. In many ways I can relate to things you say and in others what you say helps me be a better friend. I cherish every day I share with my husband (even when he does things to make me angry) because I know there is no guarantee for anyone. It could all end in a second. All I know for sure is that I am making the most of our time together. He has made my dreams come true and I am eternally thankful for that.
Thank you for sharing. You have helped so many people in so many ways.
Kim (Canada)
Janine: I am not sure how I found your blog; but it was after Jim died, sometime shortly after my husband died which was June 2008. And yes I have gone back and read your entire blog.
Hi Janine,
I can't remember how I found your blog, but it was shortly after your husband died. I did go back and start from the beginning. Reading your blog has made me laugh at times, cry at others. My husband and I live in the St. Louis area, have 2 girls that are married, 1 son in college and 1 little grandbaby. Life is good!
I don't have a blog, but do enjoy reading others.
bevvreeland@yahoo.com
I starting reading your blog after Jim died. Tamara told me about it and I can truly say...I didn't even know what a blog was at that point! I went back and read all of your posts and was blown away by your gift of writing. I now follow so many blogs and many of them are from your sidebar. I'm a huge cheerleader for you and C! Really...really excited for both of you! :))))
I found your blog shortly after my husband died on 12/7/09. The day and month were close to the date Jim died (though 2 years later). I think I wanted to see how someone else felt at whatever time I was in - two weeks out, two months out, 13 months out. One thing I learned is what we all learn - we're all different. After 13 months it is still as though it happened just last week. I don't like the passage of time - it seems to take him farther away from me. I went back and read your blog from the beginning. My stomach would knot as the date got closer to the 18th because I knew what was coming. Your writing is inspiring and has been helpful to me.
I have been reading your blog for a little over a year. I did go back and read some of your previous posts, but have not gone all the way back to the beginning. I check your blog daily and enjoy it very much.
Janine,
I am not sure how I found your blog. I started reading it right after my husband died in October 2009. I have learned a lot from your blog. You have made me think about topics that I have tried to avoid. That thinking process has allowed me to begin writing again. Thank you.
Heather
Hi Janine,
I'm not sure when I started reading - I know I followed a comment from LagLiv.
I've been reading you since before the first anniversary of Jim's death.
I remember your concerns about sending S2 to military school, and your hip surgery, and it was before D1 went to Boston. So seeing she's graduated, it's been quite a while!
I first found your blog about a month before Jim died. I was scouring the internet for pictures of Africa to "borrow" for a book I was making for my dad. I looked at your Africa pictures but I was far too busy stealing people's pictures to stick around and read! About 2 months after Jim died, I happened to click on your blog because it was still in my browser history and I couldn't figure out what it was! When I saw that you linked to Lagliv's page (someone I've never met, and she doesn't know me, but I love her blog) I thought how odd that 2 bloggers I just stumbled upon knew each other... FOR REAL. That's when I started reading your blog regularly. I don't know if I went all the way back to the beginning, but I know I started reading the entries from at least 2 months before Jim died.
A year and a half after I started reading your blog my dad died and I emailed you about it once. You sent me back the most beautiful message and I've never responded. I don't know why, but I just can't.
Found your blog about a month ago, don't remember how. Yes, I went back and read it from the beginning. You have a beautiful family! So sorry for your loss and so thankful for your openness and willingness to share with others your journey through grief and life. I am not widowed and this blog has made me more thankful each day for what I do have. Since reading your blog I have become more vocal, telling my husband what I love and appreciate about him. Thank you for the reminder.
Sheri
sorry, misread the question. thought you were just asking lurkers. have read since the day jim died. you are a blessing to many.
Janine I have to say that your blog is my first ever. My sister Debra told me about it after my husband Mike passed which has only been 10 weeks ago. One step forward and two steps back, and I think your blog is one step forward for me. "Widows who hate the word Widows," that's me! I received an invitation to a Widow's Banquet at church and I was stunned! It must have been addressed to the wrong person because in my mind, I am still a couple. All the things you have talked about - "quiet a room full of people just by entering, make people cry just by looking at me, lose weight on the grief diet, ruining someone's day and just learning to pay attention," are all things I have experienced - that power that I didn't have before. Can't say that I like it at all, but I can see from your blog that it is necessary to get to where you want to be - eventually. I'm not there yet but my baby steps are getting stronger. I am sorry Jim is gone. I am sorry Mike is gone. But God tells me in the bible in several scriptures "to be strong and of great courage," so it must be important to him that we recover. Otherwise the pain of loss would be too much to bear. Thanks for your blog. I wish you well. Janie
I'm so glad you were able to speak to women about what God has done in your life - your blog has been such an encouragement to me, I can just imagine the impact you've had speaking to those women.
I can't remember how long I've been reading your blog - not all the way back to when Jim died, sometime in the year after that, I think. Yes, I went back & read it from the time that Jim died, though, or at least I read the first few posts from after he passed away. Sorry I haven't been here much lately - life has been crazy & my online friendships have suffered! :( I do think of you & pray for you, though!
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