This Was One Box ....

.... that I didn't even unwrap.

I never cease to be amazed.
At life.
At what comes my way.
At people and what they say to me.
And .... at what some guys think is "attractive" to a woman.

I do not plan to write too much about what I experience on eHarmony.  I want to keep some things private and keep any man who I might "meet" private, at least until he either gives me the OK to write about him, or totally ticks me off.  :)

But this guy ..... Oh.  My.  Word.

For those of you who are lucky enough to not know how the on-line dating thing works .... you sign up, you answer a ton of questions, you take a couple of tests to determine your personality (and the results are amazingly accurate, in both good and not-so-good ways).  Then the eHarmony "gods" decide who "matches" who .... and they send you the "matches".
I have received around 25 "matches" so far.  I've deleted (or thought I deleted ... but more on that later) around half of them, and am "communicating" with the other half.
Today I received a few new "matches".

And one ...... one left me a bit .... well, I'm not sure how it left me.  I guess "speechless" is the most accurate word.
When you fill out all of their questions and tests they develop a "profile" for you.  Everyone sees this profile.  In fact, it's the first thing you see about someone.  It gives their age, height, interests, what's important to them, etc.  It gives them a chance to write a bit about themselves and what they are looking for in a relationship.

So this guy ..... I'm still a bit stunned.
I clicked on his name and his profile came up.  I saw his age, his height, his race, his religion, how much he drinks, how much he smokes (never -- one of my "will not budge on" choices), etc.  He wrote a bit about himself and what he's looking for.  Then I read his interests, what he expects in a relationship, what's important to him .... and then came the part where he writes a bit about himself.  And this is what he wrote, as God is my witness:
"Yada, yada, yada" (you know, the 'I'm sensitive, I like long walks, etc .... the stuff I don't really remember) followed by this:  "I have been told that I'm a very good lover.  I've also been told that God was very generous when he put me together."
Quote.
Unquote.

Now, those 2 sentences may appeal to some women.  I mean, I, and most widows I know, are starved for physical contact .... hand holding, a great hug, and yes .... sometimes we feel starved for sex.
BUT .... and this is a huge BUT .... I did not find those two sentences enticing in any way, shape or form.
In fact,  I think that after my mouth hung open for about 5 seconds, I burst out laughing.  Loudly laughing.
I mean, really.  This was in his profile .... his first impression on a woman.  And THAT'S what he chose to write?!
Seriously?!
W.T.H.???
Again, maybe some women would consider that a good thing.

I, however, deleted that sucker faster than one would have thought possible.

Maybe I'm strange, but I don't want my first impression of a guy to include how "God was very generous when he put me together."
There are some things that are better left unknown .... some things that should remain a mystery.  In my-apparently-very-Victorian-opinion.

I'd rather know if a man prefers cats over dogs than how well endowed he considers himself (or how "others" consider him .... What. Ev. Er.)
I'd rather know if he likes to play tennis.
Or likes to go to movies or sporting events.
Or maybe even .... if he likes to get drunk once a week.
That would have been preferable to .... well, you know.

Am I a prude?
Am I too uncomfortable with my sexuality?
Am I too old-fashined?
Am I too .... old?

Yes, this is all new to me.
And I am less than comfortable with it.
And now .... can you blame me????!!!!

Maybe you can.
Maybe you're thinking I judged him too quickly.
Or that I should have kept that option open.
And been able to judge for myself ..... well, you know.

But I think it's hilarious that a man would think it's OK to include that on his "first impression".
And it makes me wonder ... if God really was generous in putting this guy together .... (snicker, snicker) ...... why is he on eHarmony?
And .... how long has he been on eHarmony?

So there you go .... one box that I didn't even unwrap.
And I don't think that I will ever regret it.
But I will get many chuckles over it.
So I thank him for that.

And then there was this guy ..... a guy who I deleted, or thought I deleted, from the very beginning.
He sent me an "eHarmony e-mail", which is direct contact (still anonymously) which skips over the whole "guided communication" that they recommend).  I thought I had "closed" this match .... cut it off from the start.  But he somehow snuck in an e-mail before I was able to shut him down.  And here's what he said: "I was touched by your love story with your husband.  I am in the process of moving out of state due to my job, so I won't be available for a relationship in this state any longer.  But I wanted to tell you how much your story touched me.  And that you should grow your hair out.  All guys like long hair. Best of luck."

Ummmmm .... shallow much?
I wanted so much to reply to him and inform him that I had previously "closed" him, and that I didn't give two hoots about what he thought of my hair .... but I didn't.  I just made extra-sure that I had, indeed, deleted him.  And then closed my open-hanging mouth.

So, I'm off to a great start, doncha think?!
At least it's providing me, and thus you, with a bit of humorous entertainment.
Again, I don't plan to write about everything, out of respect for the privacy of any man that I may "communicate" with.
But trust me .... if there comes a huge loser, or man who leaves me speechless .... I will certainly share that with you.

I mean really .... why should I keep all of this entertainment to myself?
:)

Happy Thursday/Friday, Peeps.
Who know what/who tomorrow may bring?
:)