A Very Good Weekend ....

.... was had by all.

Of course it was too short, but then, so are the best things in life.

Son #3 and I went to Tulsa to visit V and her family and to go to the OSU-TU game.  In the end, I decided to give my ticket to V's husband and he took the 2 boys to the game.
And that, in itself, is quite a story.

In a nutshell .... the game was scheduled to start at 9:00 p.m. and air on FOX.  At 5 minutes before the scheduled kick off, the spectators were ordered to vacate the stadium .... due to weather.  It seems that there was some possible tornado-like activity heading their way.  And I'm guessing that that whole, "wind-blowing-over-the-stage-at-that-fair-and-killing-some-people"made the higher-ups in Tulsa act quickly, if not a bit rashly.
V and I sat at home, waiting to watch the game and fielding text messages from the guys updating us.  Once the clock struck 11:00 p.m. we gave up and started watching a movie, figuring the game would be cancelled.
Never underestimate the power of the sport of football, or the lure of money to air said sport.
The game was not cancelled.
Oh, no.
Everyone headed back into the stadium and kickoff happened at ..... are you ready for this?  Unless you've already heard about it, I can promise you that you are not:
......... that ball was kicked off at 12:15 A.Stinking.M.!!!
And yes, it was televised.
I lasted until 1:30 a.m. before I headed to bed.  I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  At that point, we (OSU) we winning.
The guys stayed until half time .... 2:00 A.M. to you and me.
They came home and watched the second half on TV .... until they fell asleep.

My phone kept getting ESPN updates (though only on vibrate) as the teams scored, or as quarters ended and began, throughout the night morning.
The last time I looked at my phone it was the end of half time.
And it was raining there.
Hard.
So I figured that the game would be called at that point.

I seemed to have figured wrongly more than once.

We won the game .... some time after 3:30 a.m.
59-33
I think the two teams just took turns handing each other the ball during the 4th quarter.  I mean really, don't you think those poor boys were beyond exhausted?!!
As I told Son #3, "hey .... it was a once-in-a-lifetime-experience."  And, though hugely, crazily, irrationally postponed ..... it was an event.
:)

In other news .... V and I both experienced quite a bit of retail therapy yesterday.
We both were in need of therapy.
Badly.
We did well.
:)

Night, Peeps.
And Happy Sunday/Monday.
:)

A Little Bit of This ....

.... a little bit of that.

It's been a busy week.
I'm trying to get caught up on things but there seem to be way too many things upon which to catch.
That's what happens when you're out of town for a couple of weeks .... especially when one of those weeks happens to hold the first day of school .... and you volunteered (weeks ago) to work 2 days of the week you come back.

But heck .... life is mostly .... good.
Mostly.  Not all.
But then .... whose life is all good anyway?

The kids are all doing well.
Very busy, but well.
D#1 was planning on moving to NY but has decided to stay in Baltimore longer.  She got an offer from another theatre there so she'll stay.  She's not too keen on living in NYC, although I was beyond keen.
Dang.

D#2 is back in school getting her Masters in sociology and doing an internship in Ft. Worth.  She is way past busy.
D#3 is teaching again, though this year she has a class of one grade (teaching deaf children) instead of one class of every grade.
I hope it's a better year for her, though it hasn't started off well.  She seems to be experiencing burn out and she's only taught one year.  Although to be fair, her one year of teaching that class was about the same as 15 years of teaching an average classroom of hearing and mostly averaged-behaved hearing students.
She continues to work on her Masters degree at the same time.
This will be an intense year for both of them.

Son #1 is enjoying his last year of college.  He will graduate in May with 2 degrees: accounting and Spanish.  And then he'll be going to law school.
My kids STILL make me tired.  :)

Son #2 is working a lot and hanging with friends when he can.  His boot camp date is still February, but I'm hoping that he gets the chance to go sooner.  He's getting more bored as the weeks go by.

Son #3 decided to not play football this year.  It makes me a little sad.  I enjoyed going to the games and watching him and the team.
He is now a Yell Leader for the varsity team.  Kind of like a male cheer  leader, without all of the clapping and sharp, mechanical movements.  Lots of yelling and running and .... to my new-found-apprehension .... back flips.  He came home today and told me that he now knows how to do one of those.  And offered to perform one in our family room.  The room with the really hard, potentially deadly-to-anyone-who-just- learned-how-to-do-a-back-flip slate.
I told him no.
Sigh ....

He has also joined the tennis team and seems to be enjoying it.
We're going out to play on Saturday morning.
Keep us in your prayers.

I played tennis yesterday .... for the first time in a long time.
I played for an hour and a half.
And then it was either throw up, pass out or quit playing.
I quit playing.
Which is totally unlike me.
I usually tough it out and keep playing.  But I knew that it would be very ugly if I did.  And I was playing with some women who I knew would be ok with stopping after 90 minutes.  Thankfully.

Today I went to drills for the first time since May.  I knew that it would kill me.
Thankfully, God sent rain last night and this morning.
Oh we still had drills.  But the temperature was in the low 80's, rather than the high 90's that it's been in every morning since I-don't-know-when.
Today would have broken a record if we had hit 100 again.
We did not.
Some records are best unbroken.

Our season starts Monday.
It's supposed to reach 105 on Monday.
I can hardly wait.
:-<

The shoulder is fine when I'm playing .... it's the stamina that needs a lot of work.
A whole lotta work.
Hopefully my team mates won't take a secret vote to remove me from the team.
Or pull straws to see who has to partner with me every week.

V and G and R left the hospital yesterday.
Just in time for V's birthday, which is today.
What a great birthday gift, no?
G is doing well and will stay in St. Louis until his "numbers" are balanced and within his new normal range.  Once one has a transplant the normal numbers are different than they are for un-transplanted people.
R continues to do well and is flying home tomorrow.
Thank you so much, Peeps, for praying for them.
And for me.
And for my friend S.
Please continue to pray for her and her family.
Sigh .....

The on line dating saga continues.
And continues to be pretty boring.
Well, it was boring .... until today.

I decided to join Match.com last night.
And then I went to bed.
This morning I woke up to find 12 matches.
While I was on line at 7:30 this morning, looking at the profiles of the men who had been "matched" with me .... or who had "winked" at me (don't get me started) ..... I suddenly saw that someone was trying to IM me.  I didn't even know this site had IM.
I stared at the IM thingee, flashing at me .... and hesitated.  I wasn't sure that I wanted to IM with someone on Match.com.
But then I clicked on it.
And oh. my. word.

The guy on the other end of the IM was a bit ..... oh, I guess the word I'm looking for is .... intense.
He was looking for his soul mate.
He IMed the wrong person.
Seriously.

He claimed to be from NYC, which of course I think is great because I love that city.
But then we IMed a bit longer.
He claimed to be a widower.  His wife and son were killed in a car accident 6 years ago.
I said I was sorry.
Then he claimed to be an army guy (or ex-army guy) and is currently on a peace seeking mission in Afghanistan, but will be returning home in 6 weeks.
And as I read his words, I started to doubt.
And I began to re-read his words .... and note that he was writing the way someone who is not fluent in English would talk.
Call my cynical, but I began to doubt a lot.

He asked me what I was looking for.
I thought about saying, "The meaning of life", but decided to not be flippant.
But it was a question that I was not prepared to answer .... not to someone who had just IMed me for the first time, anyway.
So I played it light and airy and said something like, "Meeting new people, fun .... and world peace."  Actually I left out the world peace thing .... that was way too Miss America for me.
And then I asked him the same question.

Wow.
He's looking for his soul mate (I'm finding that most men on Match .... or .... to be fair .... most men that I've encountered, are looking for their "soul mate".  Gag me with a spoon.

He wrote a lot of other mushy, too friendly words and then he asked me for my email address .... so that "we could get to know each other more quickly and better".
What. Ev. Er.
I told him that I was not comfortable doing that, but that maybe we'd run into each other again on Match.
He then gave me his Yahoo address and asked for mine again.
And again I said no.
And added that I had to go.
He asked again .... he was an insistent little bugger, whereever he's from.
I told him goodbye and added "Have a great day."
Gag.

At that very moment I was IMed by another guy.
And within 2 seconds .... a third guy.
And then a 4th.
I kid you not.

So I just closed out my internet.
Like a big chicken.
It was too much, too fast.
WAY different than the snail-crawling-slowness of eHarmony.

But I'm tired of eHarmony.
There are way more women than men there.
And they match you up .... and then the men sit on their behinds and don't do a dang thing.  They wait for the woman to make the first move.
I did that for the first few weeks but now I'm SO over that.
I refuse to make the first move to a bunch of pansies who can't take a chance and start the conversation.
So over.

But, after 24 hours, I'm close to being SO over match.com.
They don't do any kind of background check, whereas eHarmony does offer that.
So then you get guys who claim to be from NY, and widowed, but who really seem to be from Pakistan or some such place, looking for someone to take complete advantage of.
I am not that person.

Needless to say, I am less than thrilled with the on-line dating thing.
Way less than.

The third IMer tried to start off the conversation with "Hi Pretty".
Double gag.

And then I received a couple of emails.
One from another man who was posing as an American and clearly was not.  He raved about my profile and all of my touching comments and answers in it, in halting English, which I thought was hilarious because I didn't even fill in most of the profile questions.  I just put in a few words and left most questions unanswered.  He had not read my profile.
Or even glanced at it.

As the first guy was demanding my email address he said it was because he wanted to get to know his soulmate better so that he could meet her when he returns in 6 weeks.  I asked him if he really thought he'd know in 6 weeks who his soulmate would be.  He said yes.
I said goodbye.

So much for the online thing.
I'm creeped out by it and contemplating just becoming a nun.

I hear they're in short supply so maybe they wouldn't mind a Baptist/Methodist?Lutheran nun.
Hey, beggars can't be choosers.

OK, that's it.  It's way past my bed time.  Six thirty comes way too early in the mornings.
Tomorrow I go see the R.A. doctor.
The medicine hasn't affected me much at all.
Thank God.
Om the other hand, it hasn't done anything for my pain either.
Sigh.
More test tubes of blood will be draw and I expect that he will tweak the meds, if not change them out to another one.
We'll see.

OK, this post is way too long.
Sorry about that.
I'm tired.  So I tend to ramble.

Thanks again, Peeps, for your prayers, comments, e-mails and good wishes.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Happy Thursday/Friday Peeps.

God is good.
All the time.
:)

This Was One Box ....

.... that I didn't even unwrap.

I never cease to be amazed.
At life.
At what comes my way.
At people and what they say to me.
And .... at what some guys think is "attractive" to a woman.

I do not plan to write too much about what I experience on eHarmony.  I want to keep some things private and keep any man who I might "meet" private, at least until he either gives me the OK to write about him, or totally ticks me off.  :)

But this guy ..... Oh.  My.  Word.

For those of you who are lucky enough to not know how the on-line dating thing works .... you sign up, you answer a ton of questions, you take a couple of tests to determine your personality (and the results are amazingly accurate, in both good and not-so-good ways).  Then the eHarmony "gods" decide who "matches" who .... and they send you the "matches".
I have received around 25 "matches" so far.  I've deleted (or thought I deleted ... but more on that later) around half of them, and am "communicating" with the other half.
Today I received a few new "matches".

And one ...... one left me a bit .... well, I'm not sure how it left me.  I guess "speechless" is the most accurate word.
When you fill out all of their questions and tests they develop a "profile" for you.  Everyone sees this profile.  In fact, it's the first thing you see about someone.  It gives their age, height, interests, what's important to them, etc.  It gives them a chance to write a bit about themselves and what they are looking for in a relationship.

So this guy ..... I'm still a bit stunned.
I clicked on his name and his profile came up.  I saw his age, his height, his race, his religion, how much he drinks, how much he smokes (never -- one of my "will not budge on" choices), etc.  He wrote a bit about himself and what he's looking for.  Then I read his interests, what he expects in a relationship, what's important to him .... and then came the part where he writes a bit about himself.  And this is what he wrote, as God is my witness:
"Yada, yada, yada" (you know, the 'I'm sensitive, I like long walks, etc .... the stuff I don't really remember) followed by this:  "I have been told that I'm a very good lover.  I've also been told that God was very generous when he put me together."
Quote.
Unquote.

Now, those 2 sentences may appeal to some women.  I mean, I, and most widows I know, are starved for physical contact .... hand holding, a great hug, and yes .... sometimes we feel starved for sex.
BUT .... and this is a huge BUT .... I did not find those two sentences enticing in any way, shape or form.
In fact,  I think that after my mouth hung open for about 5 seconds, I burst out laughing.  Loudly laughing.
I mean, really.  This was in his profile .... his first impression on a woman.  And THAT'S what he chose to write?!
Seriously?!
W.T.H.???
Again, maybe some women would consider that a good thing.

I, however, deleted that sucker faster than one would have thought possible.

Maybe I'm strange, but I don't want my first impression of a guy to include how "God was very generous when he put me together."
There are some things that are better left unknown .... some things that should remain a mystery.  In my-apparently-very-Victorian-opinion.

I'd rather know if a man prefers cats over dogs than how well endowed he considers himself (or how "others" consider him .... What. Ev. Er.)
I'd rather know if he likes to play tennis.
Or likes to go to movies or sporting events.
Or maybe even .... if he likes to get drunk once a week.
That would have been preferable to .... well, you know.

Am I a prude?
Am I too uncomfortable with my sexuality?
Am I too old-fashined?
Am I too .... old?

Yes, this is all new to me.
And I am less than comfortable with it.
And now .... can you blame me????!!!!

Maybe you can.
Maybe you're thinking I judged him too quickly.
Or that I should have kept that option open.
And been able to judge for myself ..... well, you know.

But I think it's hilarious that a man would think it's OK to include that on his "first impression".
And it makes me wonder ... if God really was generous in putting this guy together .... (snicker, snicker) ...... why is he on eHarmony?
And .... how long has he been on eHarmony?

So there you go .... one box that I didn't even unwrap.
And I don't think that I will ever regret it.
But I will get many chuckles over it.
So I thank him for that.

And then there was this guy ..... a guy who I deleted, or thought I deleted, from the very beginning.
He sent me an "eHarmony e-mail", which is direct contact (still anonymously) which skips over the whole "guided communication" that they recommend).  I thought I had "closed" this match .... cut it off from the start.  But he somehow snuck in an e-mail before I was able to shut him down.  And here's what he said: "I was touched by your love story with your husband.  I am in the process of moving out of state due to my job, so I won't be available for a relationship in this state any longer.  But I wanted to tell you how much your story touched me.  And that you should grow your hair out.  All guys like long hair. Best of luck."

Ummmmm .... shallow much?
I wanted so much to reply to him and inform him that I had previously "closed" him, and that I didn't give two hoots about what he thought of my hair .... but I didn't.  I just made extra-sure that I had, indeed, deleted him.  And then closed my open-hanging mouth.

So, I'm off to a great start, doncha think?!
At least it's providing me, and thus you, with a bit of humorous entertainment.
Again, I don't plan to write about everything, out of respect for the privacy of any man that I may "communicate" with.
But trust me .... if there comes a huge loser, or man who leaves me speechless .... I will certainly share that with you.

I mean really .... why should I keep all of this entertainment to myself?
:)

Happy Thursday/Friday, Peeps.
Who know what/who tomorrow may bring?
:)

Stepping Out ....

.... and not too sure where I'll land.
Or if I'll crash.

Or really .... if I'll actually, really take that step.

I joined eHarmony.

And now I feel so .... unsure about it.

I tried before.  A couple of years ago.  But I never made it past the first stage.  Every time a "match" wanted to communicate, I backed off .... I closed the "match", which is a nice way of saying I didn't even let the guy get out of the box.  I ended something that really wasn't "something" because it never stood a chance.  Kind of like every guy I "dated" in college.  Until I met Jim.
I wasn't ready.

I felt ready this time.
And then the "matches" started coming.
And now my stomach is lurching.
And I'm very, very teary.

I am so tired of feeling teary,
Of crying.
Of ..... missing someone that I can't have.
Of ..... wishing he were here so that I wouldn't be looking on a stupid computer for something I once had, and never thought I'd lose.  At least .... not before the age of 90.

Life is full of .... surprises.
Sometimes too full.

I went to church tonight (we have worship services on Sundays and then the same service on the following Wednesday in the summer.  It's nice to able to go on Wednesdays if you were out of town or .... maybe, slept in, on Sunday).  We took prayer requests.  One woman requested prayer for the family of a woman who has lived a long life and will soon leave this world.  She was described as being ready to go, happy to be going where she knows she's going.
And I thought ..... "Yay for her."
Really.
I am happy for that woman.
And a bit .... jealous, I suppose.
I could also feel myself in her place .... being ready, and happy to be going.

Because that's how I feel now.
How I've felt since that horrible, horrible night.

No, I no longer want to rush and get there quickly by doing something to myself.
Nor do I wish for something final to happen to me, like say .... a bus slamming into me as I walk down a sidewalk.
I used to.
Oh, how I used to.
But so did every other widow in my Circle.
So I knew that I was not alone .... or crazy.
Only .... widowed.
Way too soon.

I'm not depressed to be here.
I am living and loving and finding joy.
Most of the time.

But I still feel that, when the time comes for me to leave this world and walk into the next one .... I will not be walking.
I will be flying.
And oh, so happy.
Beyond happy.
Joyful.

And really, I think that's great.

Because I don't just feel that way on "teary" days.
I feel it on good days.
Great days.

So back to where I rambled from .....
I feel teary.
Heck, I am teary.
I miss him.
Still.
Very much.
As ever.
Still.

And I'm sure my aching joints are not helping in any way, but are contributing to the teariness.
And the missing of him.

As is the search for someone new.
Someone nice.
Someone to spend a little time with.
Not a lot.
Just .... enough.

Someone to laugh with.
Someone to be with.
Someone to hold my hand.

But I guess the question is .... do I want that enough?
Or do I just sit and wait for Mr. Wonderful to just walk into my life all on his own?
Ummmmmm, that doesn't seem to be working, by the way.
So I decided to move forward .... to actually, make a move.

And now?
Now, I'm less sure.
But not so much that I'll quit.
Not yet.

I think, way down deep .... I want to at least open the box.

Happy Wednesday/Thursday, Peeps.
:)