He's Still Protecting Me .....

...... I had intended to come home and write this post (after my doctor visit this morning) so that I would have it done and could start mentally writing the one for "Widow's Voice".

After the visit I don't feel much like writing a post, but I'm forcing myself.

     I love my doctor.  And I love that she's given me so much information.  But .... the information I heard today makes me sick to my stomach and I'm trying really hard to not panic/cry.

     The surgeon's report revealed that he did not get all of the tumor.  He was not able to get it all.  The part of the tumor that was heading into the bone could not be taken.  The margins of the tumor were not clear.  I had thought it was all gone.  

I thought wrong.

So that is why I go for an MRI in 4 months .... to see if this very aggressive, ugly, mean thing has grown back.  It more than doubled in size in a month (which we didn't know until he opened me up) so I'm afraid of what it could look like in 4.  

And because of what it is, and how rare it is, and where it is ..... they will never be able to get it all ...... unless they break my pelvis and take out a large portion of bone .... which he would have done had it come back as definitely positive for cancer.  But it did not.  It is pre-C.  Which means it might not ever become C.

I'm not worried about the C ..... I knew it was pre-C ...... I had no idea the tumor .... or any part of it, was still there.

And I am very afraid of having to go back and have it removed ..... maybe over and over again.

So .... there ya go ...... not a great start to my day.  

Not. At. All.

But .... in other news .... here are some pics of Son #3 at last week's track meet ..... you may have to squint .... my camera phone is not that great.

     And in regards to my title ..... this is a picture of a very old pair of sweat pants:

They are Jim's sweatpants.  They are the last thing that he wore ..... he put them on to wear them to the hospital THAT day.

I wear them often.  Of course they swallow me, but they're very comfortable and they are a part of him.

I'm not sure if you could tell .... but they are in my car.

They've been in my car for a few weeks now.

When I drive, or ride in a car, the seatbelt goes right on top of, and connects against, my left hip .... and my incision.

So I knew that I needed to find something, like a small pillow, to try to be a cushion between my hip and the seatbelt.

As I was walking around the house, looking for something small enough, my eyes fell on these sweatpants.  

And I paused for a moment ..... and then knew they'd be perfect.

So now, when I drive (or ride in a car), here's what Jim's sweatpants do for me:

So every time I get in my car and my eyes fall on those sweatpants ..... I smile.

Because he's STILL protecting me.

:)

See you tomorrow ..... for "Ask Me Wednesday".