Life Goes On .....

... and I'm glad that I was able to spend the day with 5 out of my 6 children.

Daughter #1 spent 2 hours on a tarmac today so by the time she flew into Houston (after about 10 hours) she was too pooped to come meet us at the lake. I was hugely disappointed, especially because Daughter #2 had planned to return to her home tomorrow.

But she has now pushed that back until Tuesday, so tomorrow I will have a little time with all 6. I can't wait.

Today the two boys and I came up to the lake with my sister and Gabby after church. My brother came later in the afternoon, as did did D2, D3 and S1 (from camp ... they are now done for the summer). About an hour after we arrived here 12 teenagers descended upon us for the day.

It was a bit of a zoo but it was a fun zoo. Of course since we hadn't been here all summer everything needed to be charged. So it took about an hour to charge the jet skis and longer to charge the boat. But the water became too choppy by the time the boat could be fully charged so we gave up on that.

The kids were great sports. They jumped from the dock, jumped (and then broke) the rope swing on the dock, then sent one of them climbing up to the top of the plank that the rope swing is tied to, and he tied it back on ...... while I held my breath and prayed for a non-tragic ending.

I think we captured most of this on film so I'll have to post some pictures tomorrow.

My mom and D came down loaded with brisket, potato salad and baked beans (and Gabby and Sassy) and Sons #1 and #3 grilled burgers.

The kids rode the jet skis for hours and then ate and ate and ate. I think I can safely say that they all had a good time. It was nice for me to watch them have fun.

I have a like/hate relationship with this house now. It's so much of Jim that it's difficult for me to be here. But today it was different because it was a new memory and because this great group of kids had a blast just being together.

And so life goes on.

It was wonderful to just sit and talk with the older kids tonight. We talked about my past week and they were so supportive of me that I thought I'd cry.

I really do have the best kids ..... even if I do say so myself!

My daughters have been great through all of this and understand what I've been going through. They find it as difficult as I do to understand how I can lose friends over how I should or should not be healing ..... and how I write about it on the blog. I've tried to always write about my feelings, my inadequacies, my challenges ...... MY healing, but some people can't read it as I intend it ...... about me, not about them (I have never intended to hurt anyone with what I write .... only to get MY feelings out of me so that I don't explode sometimes).

And while this caused me a lot of pain during this past week (during the past few months), today I really laid it at God's feet. I love these people ..... and I always will. I can NEVER repay them for what they've done for me since Jim died (and before), but I can't make them change their thoughts of me. I'm still not even quite certain what horrible thing I did to cause them to cut me off, but I'm OK now. Sad, but OK.

And so .... life goes on.

And I've had so many wonderful e-mails and comments from friends here in my community, friends who live far away and friends in blog-land, that it's been overwhelming. Any time during the day when I thought that maybe I was going insane or had somehow been a horrible person, I'd get a comment, or an e-mail ..... or even a phone call ...... just when I needed it. And that, my Peeps, is God in action.

I don't always feel Him, but I see Him in those moments. And I see His love and care in that I never received one negative word (which made me feel a whole lot less insane).

I know that the pain and sadness are not over ..... but I also know I can't control it.

And so ..... life goes on.

And I will choose to listen to the positive voices and the words of love and the ways in which I am blessed.

I have more family and friends than I can count .... friends I've known for years, or for only months ...... and some friends that I may never meet face-to-face, but each one is a blessing.

So here's to each one of them ..... for all that they've done to help me in the past 20 months ... the ones who are here, the ones who have left .... and the ones I've yet to meet.

Thank you, Peeps ...... for encouraging me and helping me to remember that life, does indeed ..... go on.

: )