One big day down. Now all I have to go through in the next 4 months is Son #1's 18th birthday and his graduation, Daughters #2 & #3's 21st birthdays and our 25th anniversary. I seriously feel nauseous when I think about it.
Anyway, yesterday was not as horrible as I had expected. Of course, you have to realize that "horribleness" is a relative term now. Each day is horrible at the moment; some are more or less so.
I did get out with 3 good friends and played some sloppy tennis. It was good to be out there. It feels different now, as everything does. It feels like I'm a shell, not at all whole, doing things that I used to do as a whole person. But, I'm glad I did it.
Last night the kids & I had a few close friends over to have the rum cake we bought for his birthday and champagne (I'm sorry that we couldn't have invited more people and had a party, but I could only manage something small. Maybe next year). We toasted Jim and we cried and we laughed.
It sounds strange but the kids & I need to see men cry over Jim. (And no, it not because, as he told the girls a million times, "Men are no damn good!") I think it touches us to see how very much he meant to the men around us and to see them being open and honest with their sorrow.
So thank you MB for the toast ..... and the tears.
18 comments:
Well if seeing men crying helps the girls, then all I can say is if they were living with me for the last few weeks, watching me, they would be totally cured by now!!!!! Of course I don't weep in view of everyone on a daily basis, but my wife and daughters have all seen me crying since this happened, and I don't feel TOO silly for having done it.
I had a dream last night that I made you laugh hysterically! I did my Jackie Gleason imitation and you loved it...maybe you can just think about it for a minute and get a smile..."Daddy my hat blew off."
"I hope your &%$ *@#% head was in it!"
Anyway, just trying to bring some of my humor to the table...you all know that's how I deal with most things.
I do love you and miss you all very much and hope I can see you again soon!
Love Little Bro & Big Unka M
I am so glad you played tennis with us yesterday. Selfishly, I will admit that I have missed our tennis time together. I know it doesn’t feel right yet, and it may not for a very long time, but however long it takes, I plan on dragging your butt out there.
And though you claim it was sloppy tennis, I think I can safely say I won first place on sloppy! And just so you know, I did make and appointment with the eye doctor!
M
You made me smile --- even slightly chuckle.
I love you.
he makes you smile...mom loves you more....dad loves him more....can middle sibbling get a break around here?????? I'm kidding! He made me laugh as always.
I love you Janine
I'm praying for the boys today-with specific requests for P, I am thankful that I have been able to get my thoughts and words together enough to pray today- it's something I have been struggling with for a few weeks. Try though I may- I have been stumbling around in prayer, not able to make sense of things.I know that God knows what is in my heart and on my mind - I imagine I should be relieved that He knows because I myself have been quite confused.I Love You, K
It was a beautiful day for tennis yesterday. I am glad you were out doing something you love. I hope it made you smile, maybe just a little bit. I know he would have wanted that.
I'm really enjoying the pictures you are putting on your blog. Nice way to remember a very special man ... living with and loving his family; just what he did best! Love and prayers, Jo
Hi my darling daughter. Do I have great kids, or what?!? I'm a most fortunate woman. Three out of three. Doesn't get any better than that.
I also am so glad you were able to get out and play some tennis yesterday. Exercise is going to be one of the best things you can do for yourself. I'm also SO greatful you had friends around you last night. What a fitting way to spend Jim's birthday.
So...were you able to listen to my voice mail... ;)? I'm glad you pushed the wrong button. I was needing my "Janine Fix".
I love you.....all equally. There ya go. Three birds, etc, etc, etc.
Three birds mom??? J and D maybe...but M is a QUACK!
JK...love you all...hope you are having a good day Janine...just checkin' on ya!
XOXO
K in AK
I still think about you all the time. I can't read your blog in class because I cry every single time. I'm glad you have so many wonderful people around you- Jim is so beloved, I'm glad you are able to witness that.
May each step forward in working through your grief get a little bigger, and each step back a little smaller...
Janine,
Thank-you for your honesty. I am praying for you and thought of you often while we were gone.
You are precious to me and I know you are hurting.
May God's arms surround you and the kids.
Mary D.
Janine,
What an incredible journey, I have laughed and cried reading your blog. I went back and read your first posts and was particularly interested in the boy revelations, since I have 2 ages 6 1/2 and 8. Wittrock emailed me with your news. I will definitely be praying for you and your kids. A little blast from your OSU past, it's Julie Shafer GPB pledge class'78. I know everyone wishes they had the right words or the right things to do for you and your children. Hopefully knowing that people all over the world are praying for you gives you some comfort. I went to your Churches site and looked at the incredible slide show depicting a glimpse of your life with Jim. The pictures seemed to just shout with laughter, fun, adventure and zaniness!:) Wow 25 years of marriage this year that is incredible in itself then add 6 children, you are extraordinary! I have shared your blog with other friends and have asked them to pray for your family. Thanks for having the courage to share.
Love,
Julie
Whoa, I thought sibling rivalry ended at a certain point in time ----i.e.---- Adulthood. Looks like I don't stand a chance with my 3 young adults. Heavy Sigh!
Thinking of you often Janine.
Now wait just a minute here!
Ahem....*I* always said that my dad loved Janine more too! Why does she always get the special treatment? *grin*!!!
You all make me laugh...wish I'd gotten to spend more time with you:)
Janine, today, as everyday...my heart and thoughts were with you and the kids. I love seeing the pictures of Jim each day as well.
I'm glad that you got out to play tennis...even if it was sloppy and you lost your butt!
I love you Sis!
Lisanne
Janine,
I am so glad you got to play tennis. I am praying so hard for you and the kids. My heart just hurts so much for all of you.
CG
Janine,
Well, I'm finally reading your blog and am so glad that I am. I want to know how you are feeling, but when I come over I want to cheer you up by distracting you; I don't want to ask probing questions or make you explain how you're feeling each moment. So thanks for the blog and sharing your feelings and giving us insight into how to be "there" for you and the kids. R and I love you guys so much and are ready with breakfast tacos and fudge whenever you need them. Love you! L
I am a prayer warrior for you. This will be a very tough year, do not be too hard on yourself. Each of us who has lost someone close to us unexpectedly will tell you--it takes a year.
Psalm 401:3
I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my foot on a rock and he gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth...
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