How do you know?
I used to know the answer to that.
Or at least I knew the answer for me.
I am now at a loss.
I don't have any idea how you know.
I'm guessing the answer remains the same ..... you know when you know.
But when all you ever knew was one love, one love who grew up with you and knew everything about you ..... and you him ..... because you spent 27 years together ..... knowing a second time is much harder to decipher.
At least for me.
Nothing is the same.
Nothing feels the same.
And everything ...... EVERY. THING. is harder.
Much, much harder.
I'm not saying that it's not worth it ..... though there are days when, if I'm honest, I do question that.
And thankfully, as I found out tonight in a group of other widowed people .... I am not alone.
Life was so much easier when we were 20, in college, with no obligations (other than studying which, of course, we thought was HUGE), no children, no real bills ...... just lots of time to get to know each other and fall more in love every day.
Sigh.
How do you know?
I don't know.
But I hope I find out.
I'll keep you posted.
Happy Monday/Tuesday, Peeps.
Oh .... and go Ducks.
:)
4 comments:
I love this post. I talk more about my dogs on my widow blog then some of my feelings.
I write on skirt.com and find I can be more myself talking about loss and dating, then on my other blogs, where my friends know me! Yet I've written my book where it all hangs out.
I hope we can become friends. Your post went to my heart. Barbara
Janine:
I have often thought about the ease at which my relationship with George began. We met after college, but the only responsibilities we had were work and getting to know each other. Now, too many obligations to even think of adding someone else. So, when I am asked, if I will ever date or remarry, my answer is NO and I am o.k. with that, although, I miss MY partner, MY love, so very much. It is my choice. I think you will know when the time is right whether it is sooner or later and if this is meant to be, no matter how long it takes, it will work.
Life is so much more complicated now, isn't it! UGH!!!!
Much love to you friend!
Thanks so much, Beth.
Yes, it is way too complicated.
I just can't see myself getting married, either. Not now anyway. Maybe my thoughts will change on it .... maybe not. Right now I feel good where I am and I know that I had the best love I ever could've had. Hopefully that will last me, if it has to.
Love back to you. :)
I gave up talking about Don and his death on my blog...old friends and new friends...offered condolences and that sort of thing, but it mainly seemed to be a downer for everyone. I'm following some widow blogs, like yours, and it helps to visit these. Recently I offered a suggestion to another widow and she went ballistic...I no longer make much of a comment on widow blogs...just know that while my husband was 84 (military retired 26 years, WWII and Vietnam, the VA declared him 100% disabled with PTSD in 2004)when he died and I was 67 I can still empathize with others pain, depression and every other emotion they have regarding the loss of their beloved husbands.
I think about and pray about all the widows I visit, sometimes reading their words opens the wounds in my heart, mind, soul and while I may become depressed, I will never stop visiting their sites. We had been married for 26 years, 10 months and 22 days, he died at home at 7:25am...his demons caught up with him in 1996 and he tried to commit suicide...in 1997 he was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis which progressed very quickly. I'd been a CNA and I took care of him at home from 1997 to 2009. Where we lived everyone seemed to think that what I did for Don was unusual and were constantly telling me how wonderful I was. I loved him and I promised "in sickness and in health", it never occurred to me to not to take care of the one I loved more than life itself. I will love Don for all of eternity...I apologize for this long comment, I needed to say it to someone...thank you!
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