Too Sad to Be Happy ....

.... even though it was a good day.
Especially for V and G.

G was able to eat regular food tonight.
He was able to take a shower.
And best of all, they removed his cath.

Needless to say, there are many smiles in that hospital room in St. Louis.

And I was smiling with/for them .... up until about 20 minutes ago.
That was when my friend S, who's been at M.D. Anderson this past week, texted me.
The friend who is responsible for getting Jim and me together.
The friend whom I still picture as the lovely, fun roomate in college.
The friend who started the path to motherhood before me and was a wonderful example to follow.

And now I am in tears.
My heart is breaking all over again.

She is returning home to Oklahoma tomorrow.
There is nothing that they can do for her here.
She is too weak to have any more treatment.
She is going home on palliative care and hospice.

We continued to text as I cried and asked questions.

I am still crying.
This sucks too much.
Too, too much.

They are controlling her pain.
They think she will be here for 2 to 4 months.
She says she will try to stay longer.

She says that her children are devastated, but they are strong and will be ok.
She is less sure about her mother and her husband.
And I get that.

I told her that her husband is stronger than he thinks he is and that he will one day be ok.
Not for a while.
But one day.

As we texted back and forth, I asked her for a favor.
She said, "Sure."

I asked her if she'd keep an eye on Jim for me .... and tell him that I love him.
Even though I could hardly see the keyboard on my phone.

She replied that she had hoped that's what I was going to ask.
She said that she would be thrilled to remind him, even though he already knows.

T.
A.
N.
More
W.

Except please, please pray for her .... and for him.
And for their family.