Ask Me Wednesday Thursday

Thanks for sending in the questions.  I am posting a bit early today, but as long as you keep sending in questions I'll just keep adding them throughout the day/evening.

Hope is still here, but he's a bit tired today.  He and "cousin wait" (who looks a little like Cousin It, for those old enough to know what I'm talking about!) have been having many struggles today.

     The people at the hospital are trying to drive me insane.  Well, not all of them ..... but definitely whoever is in charge of scheduling things.  Every time I look on line to see the schedule ... it's different.  One day it appears that I have to check in on Tuesday, the next (today) it appears that I will check in on Thursday.  They are driving me freakin' insane!  And the MOST insane part of all of this????  There are NO phone calls!!!  NO. HUMAN. CONTACT!!!  

I'm beginning to really hate them.

     So I have called and left yet another message to ask them what is going on, when I'm supposed to check in and stay ..... and why it keeps changing.  Seeing that it is now 5:37 p.m. I know that my message will not be returned today.

    I'm finding that I am very, very bad at being a number.  I need to be a person.

But then ..... who doesn't?!  And I don't even have cancer --- so I cannot imagine the struggles of the patients who do have it ..... being treated so impersonally.  

I can NOT wait to fill out the surveys and give everyone my opinion about my experience .... once I'm done with them.

    So last night I had Circle time ... and it was, as always, so very wonderful.  Not that we discuss wonderful topics ..... but we get each other.  No one else in our worlds, get us.  They try, of course.  My friends wish I'd talk to them more, or that they could understand my deepest feelings about this crap in my life, but they can't.  And I hope and pray, with every fiber of my soul, that they will never, ever be able to understand it.

     So the ones who know me and love me the best .... know and understand my need for the Circle.

They know that there are some topics that cannot be talked about ..... outside of my Circle.  Our time together is so very therapeutic.  And very, very honest.  And I'm thankful for that ... and for them.

OK ....... so enough of the wait and the insanity and the crap ...... and on to the questions.

Candjdean asks many questions!!!

My sister and I are only children, twins were too much for my parents. Are yours identical?

Your NTRP? Do you play every week?

Surgery in a muscle, somewhere close to your hip. Am I close? You'll do great; staying in shape will give you a quick recovery!

Gamma Phi- well not Alpha Chi (my daughter was Alpha Phi), my twin and I pledged the same house, I'm all for Greek. Most of my best college memories were the times in the house.

How many days a week do you work at the church?

OK ..... 

*Yes, my twin daughters (#2 & #3) are very, very identical.  They are also mirror twins.  For those of you who don't what that means .... I'm taking the lazy way out and telling you to Google it.  :)

*I am a 3.5 player, though technically I think they just demoted me to 3.0 because I played 2 (yes, TWO) USTA matches last summer and lost them both.  Whatever.  I am not a 3.0 player and play on 3.5 teams.  And yes, I play every week.  My ideal week is to play 3 days.  

*Yes, the tumor is in my left hip.  When they did the biopsy they went through my left side, high on my hip.  I'm thinking that's the route they'll take to remove it, but I don't know that.  It's very deep and inside a muscle, so it's not a simple thing to remove.

*As for the days I work ..... lately, too many.  That entails a stress all unto itself, but for the past 2 weeks it has kept me from the stress of waiting at home, alone.  So I've worked more.

I usually work all day on Tuesdays, and then either all day Wed and Thurs, or I go in after I play tennis on those mornings, if I play.  Lately I have been working every day ..... Monday through Friday, though a couple of those days I've gone in after tennis.  I also work every Monday night (Grief Share) and every other Wednesday night (Stephen Ministry).  

Next comes Julie, with her many questions!
How much weight did you gain with your twins? What day is your birthday on? Is 2010 the Big Decade birthday or is it this year? What kind of birthday celebrations did you do for your kids when they were in elementary? At what age did you let your kids spend the night at other peoples houses?

*I gained 40 pounds with the twins (25 w/ Daughter #1, and oddly enough, 19 pounds with each of the boys .... exactly.  Weird, I know.)

*My birthday is June 21st, the first day of summer, the longest day of the year.  So of course I always had to brag to my brother and sister that my birthday was longer than theirs.  

*Yes, 2010 is the big one.  sigh

*We had birthday parties for our kids until they finished 3rd grade.  The summer kids (D2, D3, S1, S2) all had mostly pool parties.  One time Son #1 had a "transportation" party .... around 3 or 4.  All of his friends brought over their trikes, bikes, big wheels, whatever and we had a car wash and they rode around the cul-de-sac and had races and stuff.

We did parties at various pizza places with huge, scary puppet-like creatures, roller skating parties ..... all kinds.

Once they were in 4th grade we let them invite 2 friends and would go to a movie, dinner and then have a sleep over.  

Not sure why we did that (except that I think it's insane to have huge parties every year .... I think I had ONE while growing up) and it worked for us.

*As for the age of spending the night ...... gee, I'm having to go way back in the vault for this.  It really depended on whom they would be staying with.  They had sleep overs around 5 or 6 with people we knew really well (couples from church who were our friends).  But as far as over-nights at class-mates houses ...... I would say that they were at least in 3rd grade or 4th.  And they only went to someone's house after I made the embarrassing phone call to ask what the plans were, make clear what we allowed and did not allow ...... and then, as they grew older and went to parties .... I called to 1:  Make sure the parents knew there was a party going on at their house; 2:Ask how many adults would be there and how many kids; 3:What would be happening, as far as movies or games; and 4:What would be consumed (as in drink).

The kids hated it ..... I never met a parent who did.

Moni asks:

"Do they run these medical tests in the middle of the night?....if not can you just ask to donate two days of your life to tests but then go home at night?"

I did ask and was told that the two days were needed in case more follow up tests had to be done .... it would be easier to have me there, rather to run into a road block and then have to cancel the surgery because of a lack of time for follow up tests.  Whatever.

At this moment in time, I am back to not knowing when I'm going.  I may have the tests on those days but not have to stay and will check-in on Thursday a.m.   

No one at this hospital seems to communicate with anyone else so the schedule is in constant flux.  And that is driving me insane.

Carla asks:

"Are posts from your blog archived?"

Yes, they are.  The archived posts are listed on the right side of my blog, on the side bar.  If you click on it, the menu will drop down of all of the months I've posted.

I began the blog in September of 2007, two months before Jim died.  In the beginning it was very,very humorous.  I think the humor is creeping back in ..... and hope that it comes back full-force one day, though I think there will always be honest and painful posts here and there.

Thank you for your encouraging words, Carla ..... every comment is like a little bit of healing to my heart ..... and soul.

Cami asks ....... a very big question:

Do you think that prayer changes the outcomes of things? If it doesn't...what do you feel the point of prayer is? If we don't think it will work...why do we ask people all around us to pray for us and our situations?

Oh, Cami .... I always have to emit a very big sigh when I am asked this question (which is not a bad thing .... it's just a sigh).

So .......... sigh.......

I first wrote about this very topic here, on February 3, 2008.  It was entitled, "What I No Longer Believe".

I wish I could say that my beliefs have changed since that post one year ago, but they have not.

So .... No, I do not believe that prayer changes the outcome of things.  I used to.  "Before".  But not now.  And I'm not sure that I will ever again believe that.  

If prayer changed things ..... Jim would be alive and well.  I believe that without a doubt, with every fiber of my heart, soul and mind.  There were literally thousands of people all over the world praying for Jim that day and night.  How then, could he have died?  Because, in my mind, it didn't change a thing.

So then what do I feel is the point of prayer?  I believe that prayer changes us.  It doesn't change God's mind .... it changes mine.  When I pray for people now, I don't pray for a specific thing, like healing or for a certain event to happen ... or not happen.   Instead, I pray for the people involved.  I pray for God to fill them with His peace, love, comfort and strength .... no matter the outcome.  

I don't believe that God needs to hear my prayer ..... I believe that I need to hear my prayer.

 I believe that when we pray, we grow closer to God and our hearts become more "bent" to His will.  So I pray that whatever His will turns out to be, that there will be peace and acceptance.  I believe that prayer is a powerful thing and that we desperately need it.  But I believe it changes us, not events.

There are many, many people who totally disagree with me ..... some of them are my friends and colleagues.  And I'm OK with that.  

But I wonder ...... for all of the people who disagree .... have any of them walked this path?

Wendee asks:

My question is just is there anything in particular that Beth Moore has said in the recent Bible studies you've been going to that have really spoken to you, or that you've remembered and found interesting?

I am no longer able to attend her studies every week.  I am needing to spend more time at home, with Son #3, so I had to cut some things out.  This was a very, very painful cut, but I needed to do it.

Having said that ..... the thing that stands out the most from the first week or so is this:

God wants us to stop driving and to get in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride.  Whatever the ride is, wherever the ride takes us, no matter how wild the ride is.  

She also said that being a control freak is not in God's will.  And neither is being boring.

So ..... let go of the wheel ..... slide over into the passenger seat of God's sporty, red convertible, and hang on for the ride of your life!

OK, those are all of the questions for now.  

As I said .... if you send in more tonight I'll just add them in.

I must now go and cook dinner.  Don't look so surprised ..... I'm starting to cook a little more often now!

UPDATE:

I will be gone tomorrow .... leaving town for a wedding.  Daughters #2 & #3 are driving through the night and will arrive home in the wee hours of tomorrow (actually, since it's now 12:06 a.m., today) and will fly with me to the wedding.  

So there will be no post tomorrow.  Just a head's up.  Don't panic.  Don't think I've slit my wrists, or gone "postal" on anyone at MDA, which is TOTALLY plausible!  I will return on Saturday ..... VD, which I will now think of as Venereal Disease, rather than Valentine's Day (sorry for all of you love birds who totally love this day ..... I now despise it ..... and think there is WAY too much hype for it!).

I will most likely post on Saturday.  

Sunday will be a big day ..... my mom is getting her puppy, Sassy .... so I'll probably even post pictures.  Maybe.

I don't have the energy to think up a question for you ..... so it's totally up to you now.  Comment.  Add your thoughts.  Make this post interesting.

For me.

Tell me your thoughts on prayer ..... even if, and especially if, they differ from mine.

Share.  Be open.  Be honest.

I'll see you on Saturday ..... VD.  

Ugh.

And to the "angel" who sent me the angel magnet .... whoever you are ..... thank you.

So much.

No words .... other than "thank you".

And ..... you made me cry... in a good way.