Well, it's been almost 7 months and today I had another first. I dreamed last night, and this morning, that Jim was back. Actually it was like I had been dreaming the whole thing, a dream within a dream, I guess. He was here and I was SO glad to have woken up and not be living in a nightmare. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I felt so joyful and thankful.
And here's the first part:
When I woke up this morning I actually didn't know I was dreaming. It took me a couple of minutes to realize that the dream wasn't real. The nightmare -- totally is.
It was so strange.
But it was also a little nice. For just a moment or so I was able to not be living in it. I was happy. And so relieved.
It's very difficult to explain.
I can't believe it's taken almost 7 months for that to happen.
I hate this nightmare and I so, so, SO want to wake up.
Someone please ----- please wake me up.
5 comments:
Wow. I can't imagine. I hope that you can dream this dream every night. Or maybe you wish you wouldn't dream it. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly.
Love your dream-within-a-dream. And I can definitely relate to it.
I have only had one dream with my husband in it. We were sitting at an airport waiting area, until our flight was called. Totally nonsensical stuff going on, but it was still kind of nice to have a brief conversation with him - until I awoke and realized that it was only a dream. Damn!
I know this is totally a different thing that I'm going through losing my mother than what you are going through losing your lifes mate . . . but I do notice there are some things that overlap a bit . . . the dream thing was so nice having them back . . . they are very real . . . someday we will all understand . . . until then we need to treasure the dream and the moments that give us comfort . . .
by the way if you haven't had a chance to read lagliv in the last few days, please so so.
Girl, I continue to pray for you everyday! I'm really at a loss for words hope it helps to know that you are loved and thought of every day.
Love,
Julie
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