Fun and melancholy

This is daughter #1 with her daddy and her favorite stuffed animal --- Grover.
Oh for the days of Grover.
     

     

     Today we slept in.  No surprise there (though I did do my motherly duty last night and asked her what church she had joined so I'd know where we would be going.  I'll leave the response to your imagination).

     We left around noon because I had gone on line and discovered that there is a Cambridge Galleria.  Who knew?!

     We spent the day there.



      We shopped for winter clothes for her (while I laughed on the inside because I don't really have a "winter" and she's going to freak out from the first cold front.   And then she'll go to Moscow in February.  Her poor body.

     We ate an early dinner.  I got my hair cut because it was driving me crazy.  We came home and are now watching the end and the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.

We've had fun.

And yet, I was also sad.

Sad because Jim will never experience this with her.  With me, with her.

And sad because I had another first today.  This wave of sadness surprised me as it broke over me.  I don't know why .... they usually do.  I'm not sure why God allows these waves .... right about the time when I think I'm doing O.K.  

I try to not think that but sometimes I just do.  I should know better.

Anyway, back to this wave.

I bought myself some jewelry today.  And that made me sad.  Not at first, but then, as I said, it was a wave.  It crashed down on me while I was checking out.  It took a lot out of me to not cry. I did not want to terrify the poor sales girl.

I've never really bought myself jewelry, really.  I didn't have to.  Jim learned (after a bit) to have great taste in jewelry and he loved giving it to me.  Our local shop knew him well.  THEY should have sent me a sympathy card!

The wave hit as I was checking out.  I was so sad that I was having to do this myself and not requesting something for Christmas.  Don't get me wrong .... it's not that I miss getting jewelry from him (OK, maybe a bit) ..... I just miss him.  And this was just another instance that slammed into my head and heart.  

My heart hurts.  

I wish it could be fixed.  But it never will.  It will always be missing him.  Missing my other half.

     



Because You Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me