The Best Part of Me ....

.... the very best part of me ......
are these 6 people:

They are the best part of me.
And the best part of Jim.
And of our love.

As these 6 people grow older they are starting to amaze me.
Not that they haven't each amazed me before, but it's something different now.
It's deeper.
It's on a more frequent basis.
And it is very, very humbling.

I have done nothing in my life to deserve the gift that each one of these individuals has been.
Just as I knew .... and still know, that I had never done anything to deserve Jim.
And his love.
And our life together.

I am amazed.
And blessed beyond words.
How can God love me .... that much?

I have a child who has awed me since the day she was born.  She awed both of us.
She was the first miracle in our life.
She was the first person to show us how a heart can grow by leaps and bounds in one instant.
She was the person who forever changed our lives.

She was the first person to receive our parenting.
She was the first to receive our love.
She was the first to receive our mistakes.
And I made many, many mistakes.

I tried to make sure that I apologized to her when I failed to be the best mom I could.
But I know that I didn't always say, "I'm sorry."
I tried to let her know that she was our "first" and so we were bound to screw up a few things.
I told her that parenting her was like making the first pancake in a batch.
It doesn't always turn out right and many times you just throw it away.
My parenting was like that.
I didn't always do it well with her, no matter how much I wanted to.
But in spite of being my first, of receiving my first attempt at parenting, of always having things a bit tougher than the others .... she is an amazing young woman.
And I am still in awe of her.
In awe of her independence, her intellect, her talents, her ability to love .... and forgive ..... for being raised as the first pancake.

I have a child who has made me smile consistently since the day she was born.  The day she quietly arrived and lay in a bassinet looking at everything in the room, without making a peep, for over an hour and a half .... waiting for her sister to come out and join her.
She has continued to look all around her, to take in some things in this world that others do not see. She seeks out people who need love, people who hurt, people who need to know they are each deserving of dignity, respect, love and life.
This child sees with her heart.
She sees others through her Father's eyes.
And that amazes me.

I have a child who was not in a hurry to enter this world, who enjoyed having the extra room so much she decided to stay there .... for a whole lot longer than anyone wanted her to stay there.
She has continued to stay in moments longer than most people would be comfortable in.
She has a passion for human beings most others would label, for people most people would declare not "normal".
She has no definition of what a "normal" person is.
She loves others through her Father's heart.
And that amazes me.

I have a child who has always walked closely with his Dad.
Even today, he is never far from Jim's footsteps.
He is secure in who he is and knows what he wants from life.
And he knows what he wants to give .... in his life.
He wants to help those who have been marginalized, threatened, treated inhumanely .... just for being human.
He plans, and proceeds, with his Father's guidance.
And that amazes me.

I have a child who was born kicking and screaming at the injustice of having to be born.
And he has continued to kick and scream at injustice.  Of all kinds.
This child is perhaps my most important child .... to me .... because of what he has taught me.
He taught me that, even after four children, I did not know as much as I thought I did.
He taught me to be a better mother.
He taught me to be a more intentional mother.
He taught me to be a more compassionate woman to other mothers.
He instilled a passion in me for young moms .... to let them know that it's ok to sometimes want to quit being a mother.  To let them know that they don't have to pretend to be wonderful, in control and joyful mothers 365 days a year.  And to encourage them through this, the hardest job that a person can have .... raising a human being, without the ability to be perfect.
This child taught me to be humble.
Very, very humble.
And thankful.
He taught me how to love fiercely.
And to never give up.
This child showed me, at the tender age of 3, that God has His finger on this young man's heart.  And that he will be and do something very important.
And that amazes me.

I have a child who has blessed me since the day he was born ... with the gift of slowing down and taking in "the lasts".
He taught me to sit back and watch, more than to rush and lead.
This child has taught me that we can keep moving forward, even while missing so much.
He has taught me that it doesn't take a couple of decades to impact a life, to be placed deeply and permanently in someone's heart.
This child has taught me to take something that was horrific, and choose to turn it into something that will help others.
This child seeks to help heal others .... to hopefully prevent the kind of suffering that he has experienced in his short, but so very wanted, life.
He continues to learn from the Great Physician ... to help others live because of his loss.
And that amazes me.

These wonderful people .... are the best part of me.
They are beyond the best part of me.
Of us.
These six, unique and loving human beings are 6 of the seven best gifts God ever gave me.
Gifts that were actually just loaned to me.
In spite of me.
In spite of not being worthy to be held responsible for such awesome gifts.

God loves me that much.
And that .... amazes me.

Happy Sunday/Monday, Peeps.
And please be thankful for your gifts.
:)