Thank You ......

.... is not enough.

I am overwhelmed.

I was stunned today when I finally turned on my computer.
Because you were here.
You had been here.
And you continued to be here for the rest of the day .... and into the night.

I have received phone calls, texts, e-mails and comments.
Too many to count.

And out of the too many to count?
Only one that I "expected".
And it did not come through this blog.

Only one person seemed to not see the words, "three years", "prayer", "God and I", "therapist", "long time", "working on it", "healing", etc.
Only one person felt the need to point out to me how much "more healing" I really had in front of me, of more things than I guess even I know of.
Only one person seemed to think this was a brand new idea for me and something that just occurred to me overnight, I suppose.
Only one person seemed negative to me, while cloaking "truth" under the veil of "friendship".

I smile at the irony.
:)

Two years ago I would not have smiled.
But I know more now.
I know that we are all human.
We are all full of faults.
We all have things from our past that we are less than proud of.
And we are all .... mostly all ..... loving, encouraging and supportive beings.

And the more we reveal our true selves to each other, the more "reachable" we become.
I.
Am.
Not.
Perfect.

But then, I wouldn't choose to be, even if I could.
Because who among us can relate to a perfect human being?
And I very much want people to be able to relate with me, to find support and understanding in me.
Because that's what I've received.

I have received it from you.
I have received it from my wonderful, amazing, loving family.
I have received it from friends from my teenage years, my young adult years and my present life.

And most of all, I have received it from my Father.
He alone knows my heart.  Even the parts I don't yet know.
He loves me, encourages me and keeps on loving me.
In spite of .... me.

He has led me here.
He has walked this path with me.
He.
Has.
Healed.
Me.
In spite of .... me.

He continues to walk with me.
He continues to lead me.
He continues to heal me.
In all kinds of ways.

He continues to encourage me.

Just the way you have today.
In spite of .... me, and us, and our .... faults.

This was not an "over night" healing.
This has taken a lot of work.
A whole lotta work.  :)
But it's the best work I've ever done.
And the hardest.

I am not brave.
I am not courageous.
I am not stronger than anyone else.
I am not .... amazing.

All I am .... is tired of living a lie.
And tired of being controlled by something that is itself .... a lie.
And ready to tell everyone .... to keep moving forward and to leave this behind.
I've worked very, very hard to get to this point .... to be this tired .... to be this ready.
To be able to tell.

God's timing is amazing.
He alone knew how long this would take.
He alone knew when I'd be ready .... to be healed ..... and then, to tell my family, my friends, and you.
He alone has been working with, and in, me .... for a long time.
He alone led me to the people who could help Him, help me.
He alone was the reason that I was able to admit how incredibly faulted I am.

I am a work in progress.
And I choose .... to progress.

And.
That.
Is.
Something.

Good night, Peeps.
And happy ...... well, that's all.
Just ..... happy.
:)