Well, another first for all of us. Our first Father's Day without you. We didn't talk a lot about what the day was. In fact, we all voted to not go to church. Stop frowning. We couldn't deal with it. Not this year. Maybe not any year, I don't know. But we thought of you. All through the day. J & J took the kids and me out on their boat for the day. We had a good time. I missed you. The kids tubed and I thought how much you would have loved to have been driving that boat. And how hard you would've laughed when Son #3 flipped through the air 3 complete times before hitting the water on one of his blowouts.
And I thought how proud you'd be when Son #3 got up on skis the 2nd time he tried. He did such a great job. I hoped that you were right there with him, helping him stay up.
I also thought that Son #2 looks so much like you that it takes my breath away once in a while.
I had hoped that all 6 kids would be with me at the same time today, but Daughter #3 had to get back to school this afternoon. And Son #1's bus got a flat on the way back home today. So they were a bit delayed. I don't know when we'll all be together again. Maybe you could put a word in with God and make sure we at least get to spend time together over Christmas? I imagine you and He have lots of conversations. You always loved to learn new things so I imagine that you're learning quite a bit up there.
I tried to call your dad a couple of times but he wasn't home. But I left messages, telling him Happy Father's Day and that we love and miss him.
I hope you had a great Father's Day being with THE Father. That must be so awesome. Unless you're singing all of the time. I know that wasn't one of your favorite activities .... unless you were torturing the kids in the car with the "Frito Bandito" song.
:)
I still hate being here without you, but I think I'm doing better. I guess you'd be proud of me, though I'm not sure why. Maybe just because I'm still here. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing a much better job at being a mother. I miss your encouragement. I miss your unconditional love and support. I miss holding your hand and I miss laughing with you. A lot.
My heart still hurts.... horribly. I can't see an end to that. I wish there was some kind of medication I could take to make that go away. That would be a great invention. Maybe.
Maybe we need to experience the hurt so that we never forget the love.
As if that's humanly possible for me. Or the kids.
They love and miss you .... oh so much.
Happy Father's Day, Honey. You are an incredible father.
I love you.
Jim and Daughter #1 ..... little did I know this would be a running theme the rest of his life!
