Happy, Happy Birthday, CB!

            UPDATE AT 7:30 p.m.:

                     WE HAVE POWER AND JUST GOT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!         The washer is going and the vacuum is getting ready to get plugged in!!!!  ALLELUIA!!!      

    Fourteen years ago today ---- we got a great surprise!

      Well, Jim got a surprise ..... I knew all along it was a boy, but didn't let on.  He wanted to be surprised.

     I'm not sure why ..... he was surprised speechless when I told him we were having a 6th.

Literally.  For about a month or two.  I would've thought that would've been a big enough surprise to last several years.  

  

   God definitely was in charge and knew what He was doing and how much I would need this Son.  

So much.

Happy Birthday, CB.  Dad and I love you very much and are BOTH so very proud of you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

oooooooooooooo

A good day

             This is J, me and Jim, in front of a "famous" pizza place in Stillwater, Oklahoma -- home   of the OSU cowboys.  This was Thanksgiving weekend 2006.

     Today was a good day.  I played tennis this morning -- who would've thought it possible after yesterday's all-day down pour.  But the sun was out this morning.  We got a huge storm this afternoon, but it didn't last very long.  So, yay for tennis and double-yay that the temperature was 20 degrees cooler today.

     After tennis the 3 boys and I went shopping for the afternoon.  It was time for Son #1 to get stuff for college.  We had lunch together and then hit the stores.  He had his list and his prices and his copies from web sites.  Yes, he is his father's son.  We had a great time.  It was fun to be with each of them and all of them together.  I love my kids.

     Tonight was spent with friends.  And wine.  And food.  But mostly friends.  

All in all, a good day.

Yay for good days.

Bandages and wounds

This picture was taken Thanksgiving Day, 2006.  I think it was the last whole family picture we took.  That makes me sadder than I can say.

     Well,  we did not blow away.  I hate to be the one who says, "I told you so." but ...... wait, who the heck am I kidding?!!  I LOVE to be the one who says that!!!  Ha to all of the panicking people out there!

     We did absolutely nothing today.  It rained all day and I stayed in my jammies until 4:00.  

Yay for tropical storms that just peter out during the day.

     Tonight I went to dinner with my new group of friends.  There were 4 of us and next week there may be more.  Four women who like each other's company and are all members of the same sucky club.  We hate this club.  We like each other very much.

  R came, of course.  This was our 3rd time together.  S came with me, this was her first time. And then K came.  She's brand new.  To us and to this sucky club.  Her husband died 3 weeks ago.  She's 28.  Twenty-freaking-eight.  sigh

     We talked a lot.  We listened a lot.  I am so glad we have found each other.  We hate that we had to find each other but we're glad that we did.  Hard to explain .... unless you're a member.  I hope you never become a member.

    

      I know this is getting redundant, but I miss Jim.  It never goes away.  It never gets better.  My outside looks great, though.  I bet there are quite a few people who look at me and think, "She seems to be doing pretty well."   Well, that and about $20,000 (back in the 80's) would get you a BA in Theatre.  As they used to say on SNL in the "old days", "ACTING!!!"

     This is not to say that my life sucks.  It does not.  I have my children and they are healthy.  They all love God and they are ALL great kids.  I am so thankful that God loaned them to Jim and I.  I hope we've mostly done Him proud.

     I have a home (granted, it looks like it's been through parts of WWII, but it's a great home).  I have wonderful family members --- lots of them, and they love me.   I have lots of wonderful friends.  Lots.  More than one person should have, I think. 

     I had the most wonderful husband in the world .... for a long time.  Not long enough, but it will have to do.  He was not perfect .... not at all.  But he was a good man.  He was a great father and a wonderful husband.  His love will last me for the rest of my life.  It has to.

     I have a God who is The God.  He walks me through this valley..... sometimes He carries me.

     So I am aware of the blessings in my life.  There are more than I can list.  But I am also aware of the gaping wound in me ..... the hole in my life.  The wound that will never heal.  Never.  I may learn to bandage it better, to camouflage it with makeup, but it will never heal.  

We all have our wounds.

Some have better bandages than others.

Have I told you lately ....

.... that my kids are great? Daughter #2 had asked if we could go out tonight and I said sure (knowing full well that I wasn't going to want to cook when I got home today). So we all went out and she totally surprised me. When I went to sit down there were several friends sitting at our table and they all yelled "Surprise!" when I turned the corner. I was very surprised. Very. Thank you all for coming and making me feel special. And thank you to T and J for coming and representing my new team. That made me feel great! Daughter #2 had even made an awesome ice cream cake!! I can't believe that she and the boys pulled this off without making me suspect a thing!
S and I got up at 3:45 Central time this morning to leave for the airport. The Atlanta airport does not like her at all. You can ask her about it, but it may give me reason for pause before I travel with her again! :)
I had such a good time with her and K. It was a good weekend and I loved being with them. I am grateful to them for inviting me to come along and for the time together. It meant a lot. Oh, and be sure to ask S how her book proposal went!!
I did manage to get my laundry done this afternoon so I've at least done that much before I have to pack again. Tomorrow the carpenters come to tear out one of the counters. We have to empty out all of the cupboards over the next 2 days so that they can re-finish them. My house is looking worse every day. The refrigerator is now in the middle of the kitchen. Which makes things very interesting.
Darling Daughter #2 and Son #1 cleaned the house as best they could this weekend. I am grateful. I hope that it will one day be able to be clean again, but at the moment .... I'm not so sure. I may always have a coat of chalk dust all over this house from now on!
Thank you C for the cheese ball today! It's great.
And thank you to CT for offering bring dinner tomorrow. She has also had her house torn up and feels for me. Yay for friends who can relate.
Let's just hope we all survive this.
I am making no promises!

What are you?

Hello from Virginia!
So the 400 mile trip took us longer to come home than it did to go to the conference. "Why?", you may ask? Because there was an accident that had us sitting on the freeway today for over an hour. So we had an 8 hour drive today. And we took the "fast" route. Oh well.
Tomorrow we are just relaxing and haning around the house, I think. Our last day together. I will miss K when we leave. I know she will miss us. She's only been here 3 months and it's been difficult. It's always hard to make new friends, especially when you're a stay-at-home mom in a working mom neighborhood. So I'll ask you to pray for her .... pray that she can find a friend or two and pray that she can hear God's calling and follow it here.
I enjoyed the conference, over all. I learned a lot and it gave me a lot to think about. I heard God affirming me and calling me at the same time.
So we shall see. It is very difficult for me to see the future now. Once your "future" has been ripped away from you, once your dreams have been smashed on the rocks, you have a difficult time looking ahead. I really do only live one day at a time now. I guess that's how God prefers us to always live ... in the moment, but it took losing my heart to be able to do this.
Now I can't do anything BUT live in the moment. My life is like a blank slate with me asking, "What now, Lord?". So, we'll see what happens next. It could be very interesting.
Today our last speaker talked about living in the shadows. She referred to "The Wizard of Oz". Each of us is searching for something --- a brain, a heart or maybe courage. Do we feel inadequate to do what we think God calls us to? Or do we feel that we don't have the heart to do it? Or do we feel scared to do what He calls us to?
It was very thought-provoking and very interesting.
So this will be my question to you tonight:
Do you think you need more of a brain? Or more of a heart, or perhaps more courage to live your life to the fullest? What is the one thing that holds you back from experiencing life as it should be experienced? What is the one thing you would ask the "Wizard" for?
C'mon, be bold -- think about it and tell me what you come up with. I'm open and honest with you. I don't hold back, most of the time. So if you had to pick one of those three items-- a brain, heart or courage -- which would you choose to make your life more fulfilling? Which do you think you need?
I'll go first. This is easy. I think for me it will be courage. Courage to follow what I think God is calling me to. Courage to not care what others think, but to care only what He thinks. Courage to step out and do something "different".
I think I am now a bit freer to be courageous. I don't think there are many expectations of me, except that I do whatever it is that I "need" to do for now. So it may be easier at this point in my life to be courageous. We'll see.
I have no idea what the future holds and I don't worry or ponder about it too much.
What would be the one thing you would ask for?
And before I go, I do have the most wonderful children in the world. I love each of them .... even the one who didn't wish me a happy birthday.
But I may add it to MY book. :)