Ready or Not ....

.... ummmmmmm .... I'm choosing "not".

And here's why:
(Oh, and Son #1 came home Monday, to spend some time with me before I leave and to stay while I'm gone.  Isn't he great?)



  To put it bluntly ..... I guess you could say we've been torturing the cat:

You see, as I was purging the house I found a little OSU football jersey that we bought years ago for a much smaller animal (a dog).  I left it out and when the 2 of the Sons came into my room they saw it.  I tossed it to Son #1 and asked if he remembered it.  He chuckled and said that he did.  He asked what I was doing with it and I told him it would look good on the cat .... and then told him to try to get it on Oliver, though I doubted that he would succeed.

                 He does good work:

              But that good work led to this:

                  Which led to this:

  Which led to this (help me out here, does he look a little p***ed off to you?):

Yes, I can see that my bed skirt is a bit frayed.
Don't judge.

After a few moments he seemed to have recovered (at least enough to try and kill me with his green lasers of death):

Little did I know that he was forming a plan (and again, I hate to be a bother, but is he still p***ed?!):

                         Which led to this (look closely):

                       A little closer ......

                Well what do you know?!  He's a little smarter than I thought:

All of that is just an elaborate excuse for why my bedroom looks like this:

                          And this:

                           And this:

           And .... why my bathroom looks like this:

So .... yeah ..... I'm not ready.
Which is ok ..... since I'm not leaving until Saturday.
Morning.
Yikes!  That gives me 12 less hours than I had been thinking!

Wait ................................................. okay, much better.
That was me ..... waiting for the moment of panic intense stress to pass.
And I just noticed that "House Hunters International" is on ...... so I'm going to watch that now .....
and panic .... clear a space on my bed so that I can sleep on it get things a bit more organized later.

Because really ..... when I can find out how much it would set me back cost to purchase a home in lovely Honduras ..... why would I spend time panicking organizing?
I can always sleep on the couch.

Happy Wednesday, Peeps.
:)

And no, you may not ask me about the exercise ball.

;-)

Missing him

     This has been a good, but quietly emotional day.  I say quietly because I felt emotional and on the brink of crying most of the day, but just kept it to myself.  Until Daughter #3 got here (yay!!!) and we sat down together to watch the interview of Steven Curtis Chapman and his family on Larry King.  If you haven't seen it you should google it and watch it.  It was great.  They got tattoos .... on their wrists (he and his wife .... the sons got them on the arm and chest).

We both cried.  It was good, but emotional.

And they showed a clip of him singing his song, "Yours", but with a verse that he added after Maria's death.

Here it is:

 Yours 

I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Somthing that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry

Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize

That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God

You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

I've walked the valley of death's shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I've had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.

So .... I miss him.  And I'm starting to think about taking Son #1 to college on Wednesday.  I've been great about that ... up until now.  And only quietly, but I am on the edge.  It's bubbling at the surface.  It will be very difficult.  Very.

     Speaking of Son #1, he was amazing today.  Have I written before that I have amazing kids?  Yes?  Well, I do.

     Late this afternoon we had a mechanical emergency.  A rope had become sucked into the motor and prop of one of the jet skis.  Around and around and around.  I was up at the house so did not witness this.  Probably a good thing.

Anyway, they called up to the house for Son #1 to come down.  He did.  The jet ski was already up on the lift, so he put the row boat into the water and stood in it to inspect the bottom and inside of the motor.  The water was pretty choppy.  K got in and held onto the boat.  He worked on it for a while and then we all agreed that it might be better to lower the lift so that he could stand in the lake and work on it from there.  He decided to grab the tool box, knowing what he needed.  We did and he did and the work began.  He and I really thought we were going to have to tow it in and take it to the boat place here.  $$$$$

The other boys came down to help.

 He worked on this quite a while. It was a tow rope so it was very long. He finally started cutting it so that he could work with less rope. He figured out that he could slowly unwind it, until he got to the last part that was tightly wrapped around the motor. He told me that we'd have to take it in. And then he gave it another try and worked on for about 20 more minutes.  And got the rope out.  Totally.

He was amazing. He stayed very calm and focused and relaxed the whole time. I would've been so tense that I would've yelled at about 8 different people! And Jim would've, too. But Son #1 didn't.  I was so thankful that he was able to fix it and proud of how well he handled it.

Have I written that I have great kids?

It was great to hang with Daughter #3 today, and her dog. Her cat has been freaked out and in hiding since they got here. I have yet to catch a glimpse of her.

The kids had a fun day (so did the dogs.... and the cats):

                     Rigby and a lizard friend.  Ha!

                              Time to get wet!!!

           Son #2, Gabby and T.
           

     What's more fun that a boy, his floatie and a puppy?  Ummm, maybe Son #3 out in the lake on the rope swing?
     They had THE best time playing tug o war with this rope toy!!  MOST of the day.

And have now been passed out most of the evening.  They totally missed the Michael Phelps event!!

So all in all, fun was had by all.  So much fun that everyone is exhausted and needs to be heading to bed.  

Tomorrow Mimi and Papa are coming over to make us a REAL lake breakfast!!!  REAL pancakes (homemade w/ buttermilk, etc -- not Bisquick).  So we need to get these munchkins into bed so that we can just veg together, before WE all pass out!!

Oh and while searching for some news on the internet, I cam across this stunning new item:

Are you kidding me???  

Feel free to click on that and then read the story.  And then say, "Sheesh", because that's pretty much all you'll be able to say!

And have a wonderful Sunday.  I know I will ..... Daughter #2 will return home for the week, too, and I'll be thrilled to see her!!!

Sleep tight!!

What I believe ....

 ..... is this:
http://abcnews.go.com/search?searchtext=Chapman&type=

     This is an interview with Steven Curtis Chapman and his family after the death of their 5 year old daughter/sister, Maria, this past May.

I could not explain better how I have my faith and yet have questions and real human feelings.

P.S.  The cats hate the dog.  Well, George and Rigby hate the dog.  Colby seems to be saying, "Whatever." and puts up with her presence.    The dog loves the cats.  The cats stalk the dog.  The dog wants to play with the cats.  Rigby has been pouting since Friday night and won't come near me.  

Gabby is great .... mess and all.  I can't explain it.  Either you get it or you don't.  And either way it's OK.

and more .....

                     This is my new microwave!!                       These are my new ovens!

          This is my island, without the granite.  Supposedly the granite guys are on their way.  Apparently they're on their way from Canada or something because they were on their way about 3 hours ago.

sigh

But I still like my island!

        And enough suspense.  This is Gabby ("God is my strength").  

So yes, I got her.  

She is 9 weeks and a little over 20 pounds.

Yes, I know how much she'll poop.  

No, she doesn't slobber -- the males do that, not the females.  

Yes, I know how huge she'll get --- her dad is 210 lbs, her mom is 165, and I am not an idiot...... well, mostly.

     I have liked these dogs for a long time but never thought I'd get one.  But now, here I am as the head of my home.  Not by choice, not by desire, but just because.  I feel more comfortable knowing that I'll soon have a huge dog for company around here.  She's very sweet and laid back.  Google the breed --- English Mastiff -- and you'll see for yourself how sweet they are and what great companions they make. 

So, yes, I did lose my mind.  As I said before, I'm totally aware of that.

Thank you for all of your comments and attempts to save me from my descent into total lunacy.  

You are too late.

:) 

     

Fifty two times a day

     This picture is from April 2005, Jim's dad's 80th birthday.  This is his family -- his parents and his siblings.  

It's a great family.

     Before I get into the depressing part of this post (you've been warned -- turn back while you can.  I wish I could.) I thought I'd ask a question.  This is for all of you cat owners (or former cat owners) out there:  Is it just my cats or do they all poop FIFTY TWO TIMES A DAY??????  OK, so I exaggerate, it's really only 47.  But oh my gosh, what the heck is with that?!!!  I clean out that litter box AT LEAST 3 times a day (yes, if they poop 47 times then only 3 cleanings IS totally disgusting).  And here's the thing that tops that in their quest to drive me crazy (and no, I'm not paranoid ..... the kids have enlisted the cats in this quest!) ------ every single time I clean out that box (EVERY-SINGLE-TIME) they climb right in and poop.  EVERYSINGLETIME!!!!!

They hear me cleaning it, run in, sit and wait and almost before I can get out of the way they are in there taking a dump!!!  I know this is so crude, but I'm going nuts.  Now I clean it and just stand there with the bag and wait.  And then clean it again.  

So .... is it just my "not the brightest crayons in the box" cats, or do they all do that.

Oh, and another thing --- George is losing his hair.  He has a bald spot on his head and it seems to be getting bigger.  Ever heard of that?  Does this warrant a trip to the vet?  I have warned him that if he loses all of his hair he's out of here.  I cannot have a bald cat.  Especially one named after you-know-who.  That will NOT make me smile.

Yes, my love is conditional.  Just be glad you're not one of my kids.

    Now back on to the roller coaster of my life.  I may jump off of it on the next loop-de-loop.  My mother in law has continued to go down hill.  So we, as a family, spoke to her doctor on Wednesday and decided that we are going to let her go.  Which means that she will be sedated and the respirator turned off.  There were many phone calls to make and many questions to ask.  We had decided to set the date this weekend, which would give my brother in law, his family, and me time to get to Oklahoma "before".  

     Some have expressed disagreement with my decision to go.  But it's my decision.  I want to see her "before".  I want to talk to her and tell her how hard to hug Jim for me when she sees him.  I want to tell her that I'm so excited for her and for him.  I won't tell her how horribly jealous I am of her.  Horribly.  And then I want to be there until the "after".  I want to be with Jim's siblings and their dad.  I've done this before --- with a very good friend.  It's not the same, I know, but I want to do this.  And then I want to come home.  I do not plan to stay for the funeral.  I want to be there for her and for them and then leave.  There will be plenty of people after that.  Most of my children want to stay home .... and so they will.  Daughters #2 & #3 want to go, so we're trying to see how it works with their finals.  

     While we are trying to make sense of this and trying to make some kind of plans, God has thrown a kink into it (what a shock).  Last night one of her lungs collapsed.  So now we're not sure if we still have the time to "plan".  As I told someone recently, I know, better than most people, that my plans don't count for squat.  So we shall tentatively make plans, knowing that they could all blow up at any time.

     I'm leaving for Oklahoma on Monday, to get in at the same time as J & L & S.  I had planned to spend Mother's Day weekend (or really, avoid it) at the lake with the kids.  But now we're staying home, closer to the airport in case I need to leave earlier.

I have no return ticket.  

     I also decided to take a leave of absence from work.  I need to slow down and stop being too busy to think.  It's time to think.  And I only have a month left with Daughter #1 before she heads off so I want to spend as much time as possible with her.  

     And I just need to rest and not feel the need to "perform" or make decisions about things or other people.  

     I guess I just need to "be".  And be there for my kids ..... while we're all together.  

I plan on returning once everyone's back in school in August.  I hope they'll still have me.  I will miss the contact and smiles of the people with whom I work.  They are some of the best people I know and I love them.  But we tend to see less of each other over the summer anyway, so hopefully the timing is good.

     Let's see .... I think that's it.  I think that's enough.  Actually, it's been more than enough for a long time now.  

     I wish I could be someone else for a while.  I'm not sure who.  Maybe I'll look into having one of those "out of body experiences".  

   I wonder if I'd find that in the yellow pages?  Or Google?

I may or may not keep you posted.

Please send up lots and lots of prayers --- for all of us.

And thank you.